I am a mother and love all my children. I never once thought about what would happen if I couldn’t have children. I took it for granted that I would be a mother one day. I remember the one and only time in kindergarten my mother had to come to school immediately. I told my then five-year-old boyfriend that we were going to get married and have five babies but if any of them were boys that they needed to go straight to the garbage. Well, that statement sent an alarm off in my teacher, Ms. Steward. I didn’t even know what I had done wrong. However, my teacher knew something was off with my perspective with boys at five years old. I am happy, at least I understood it was important to be married because my parents were no longer married. However, the enemy was at work setting up his plan even then.

What psychologically would make me feel as though if I had a baby boy he was not as valuable as a girl to me at the tender age of five? I will tell you what. Looking back on my childhood, it was no secret my mom favored my brother over her three daughters. This manifested in diverse ways, for different reasons. But it wasn’t just the favoritism of my brother. It was also how my father managed us as his children, and he was a male once a boy.

We can look in the life of Jacob that worked 14 years for the love of his life and then when he marries her, God closes her womb, and she cannot have children. Years go by and Leah has child after child for him but not with the love of his life, Racheal. I absolutely don’t believe in having favorite children regardless of if they have the same parent or if they have a different parent from the other child. The scripture says,

Genesis 37: 3 Jacob loved Joseph more than all his other sons, because he had been born to him when he was old. It was because he made you wait longer that your love for it, whatever it is, will be more. You will have a deeper appreciation because you will know if it wasn’t for God doing it, it would have never happened. I want to encourage some parents that are believing God for a child or children. Let us not forget Samson’s parents that were barren. Elizabeth and Sarah gave birth also in their older age. It is never too late for God. He is sovereign and in control. Know that he has collected every tear and recorded your faintest desires through your tears. It’s going to happen!!!

Although, I could have children without any fertility issues, the enemy was trying to crush me in my worth that would make me believe that I couldn’t trust a man. I had to let God heal me from my childhood and abandonment issues from being mishandled. The enemy didn’t want me to become a wife and a mother, but God has made me a wife and a mother and my greatest anointing’s will flow from these two positions. To every woman that has been crushed like me, know God is not done with you yet. Allow him to heal you and finish perfecting those things that concern you while he prepares you for marriage and motherhood.

Proverbs 27:14

Wait on the LORD: Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.