I remember a day I believed the lie that there was nothing special about me. Maybe you feel the same way or know someone that does. As a young girl I would often think I was no different than other light skinned, long brown-haired girls. Ignorantly not understanding that my uniqueness would never be truly reflected from the outside and neither will yours. My golden “13” birthday was fast approaching and there was an urgency to end my life on the day I was born. Why on the day I was born? To me, it made sense because I felt like I was a mistake. I felt like I was not valued because I was born in a family like many at a time that was in trouble.

But what about the ones that seem to have it all? Why would they feel suicidal? Suicide is a spirit from the enemy. God is the giver of life. A lot of times people that commit suicide struggle with comparing themselves to others and the impact that they have in the world. Often, minimizing their own value to those around them and most importantly to God.

Here we are mourning the suicide death of the Cheslie Kryst, who was 30 years old. To the world she was also a beautiful light skinned, long haired girl that grew up to be accomplished enough to be crowned Miss America in 2019. She also had many other amazing accomplishments that brought her value besides her beauty. She was unique and different but somewhere on the inside, she didn’t have that same value and love for herself to overcome the spirit of suicide.

God loved her and he loves you. Sometimes we seek to get validation and love from others and things and until we find it in God because he is love, and without that deep connection to him for us, we will always be left feeling void. For me, I wanted my husband’s approval and love, and I didn’t love me because I didn’t have it. Although, his rejection became an echo in my soul that started screaming to me from a familiar voice from my childhood long before I heard his voice, you are a mistake.

We must deal with the traumas of our childhood because they will affect our perspectives on life.

God loves you. He told us he knew us before he formed us in our mother’s womb. Jeremiah 1:5. God wants to reveal to you the love you and him shared in eternity. No one or anything else can give us the acceptance and approval of our father God that created us.

Jesus loved us so much that he didn’t want to enjoy heaven without us. Yes, God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes on him shall not perish but have everlasting life. But, it was also a decision that Jesus made to lay down his own life. He knows what it is like to die to prove how much he loved us. The word says that there is no greater love than this.

I escaped suicide at 13 but then the spirit of suicide came back after me with a vengeance at 30 years old. I was trying desperately to show my late ex-husband how much I loved him. It was like he was blind. I remember after I got passed the bitterness and hatred, because of his rejection, I told the Lord, I didn’t want to live without him. I remember asking him one day, did he love me. He turned around and asked me, did I love myself.

Suicide is self-hatred. I remember falling to my knees as he walked out the door to start his day, and I told God, I did not love myself, but I would allow him to love me. The word says, we love him because he first loved us. I was able to love myself and I overcame the spirit of suicide because I found out how much God loved me.

Suicide is NOT the answer……Jesus IS…...God wants to reveal his love to you. Don’t give up on you.