Many have asked in these dating streets, “Does body count matter?” For me, it always has. Not because I’m trying to measure someone’s worth, but because I want to honor God, myself, and my future spouse. Truthfully, I never even thought about how many women my future husband may have been with. What matters to me is him living in a way that pleases God. I pray he is free from ungodly soul ties.
In January 2021, God showed me that the man He has for me would separate himself from anything that could jeopardize our love. That gave me a supernatural confidence through prayer. I know the version of us that will emerge after our resurrection—like Lazarus—will be one no one has ever experienced before. When God brings something back to life, it never returns the same.
My journey toward abstinence started over seven years ago. It wasn’t easy, but it became sacred. Growing up, no one ever told me my virginity was special, but I just knew it intuitively. I wanted to wait for marriage. But at fifteen, I made a decision based on a promise—a promise that I now realize came from a broken place. I believed an older man when he said he would marry me when I turned eighteen. Instead, I became a vulnerable girl trying to make sense of adult pain.
That relationship left deep scars: a pregnancy that ended in abortion, another that ended in abandonment, and years of silence. Later, marriage, divorce, grief, and the complicated love that led me to become a runaway bride—all of it shaped my story. When I allowed that same man back into my life years later, I thought I was choosing redemption, but I was really choosing familiarity. I was still trying to preserve something I thought I had lost.
Body count mattered to me because I didn’t want to keep adding to my brokenness. It wasn’t about shame—it was about value. I had been through too much to give away another piece of myself outside of God’s will. I wanted wholeness.
Then came the birth of my daughter—a pregnancy that wasn’t planned, but divinely purposed. Her father passed away shortly after her second birthday, but God used her birth to awaken something in me. I remember crying out to the Lord, vowing never to dishonor myself again. God took my pain and made it prophetic. What the enemy meant as a reminder of my fall from grace, God turned into a reminder of His promise of restoration.
Now, abstinence for me is not just a choice—it’s worship. It’s God restoring my spiritual virginity and preparing me for the husband He promised. Every time I was rejected, God was actually protecting me. Every delay was divine preservation.
I believe in divine alignment and restoration. I believe God is raising up men and women who will honor Him and each other in purity and purpose. My story isn’t about perfection—it’s about redemption.
To anyone struggling to wait, I get it. It’s hard. But God can keep you even when you don’t want to be kept. And when He brings you your purpose partner, it will be worth every tear, every lonely night, and every “no” you had to say.
💫 2 Corinthians 5:17 – Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Never
You never kissed my lips,
Never took your hands and pulled me close by my hips,
But you’ve held my heart in your hands,
Whispered in my ear as I ease dropped in heavens grandstands.
Never held my breast,
But you laid your head on my chest,
When you listened for my heartbeat,
while you sat at his feet.
Never saw me undressed,
Never caressed,
My body.
but you got the peep hole,
to my soul,
Lingered in chambers of my heart waiting for you to explore,
In places your hands can never reach but I can’t ignore.
Never laid down next to me in bed,
But you live in my head,
completely unpacked,
and unwrapped,
as my prize,
in my 5th floor high rise.
Occupying residence,
with evidence,'
by faith,
in my future life,
I am your wife.
Never tasted,
But got me wasted,
Never between my thighs,
But reminiscing on my highs,
Never picked up a phone to Facetime,
to tell me you’re all mine,
But you stay in my face all the time online,
Loving you out loud,
waiting and still proud.