I Choose Us – A Reflection on Marriage, Family, and Faith
In my favorite movie The Family Man (2000), Jack Campbell (played by Nicolas Cage) is a wealthy, career-driven bachelor who gets a glimpse of what his life could have been if he had chosen love and family over ambition. This glimpse is offered by a supernatural intervention that places him in an alternate reality, married to his college sweetheart, Kate Reynolds (played by Téa Leoni). The phrase “I choose us” is a powerful and transformative declaration Kate makes in two pivotal scenes, encapsulating the movie’s central theme: love and family are worth choosing above material success or fleeting ambitions.
The Two Scenes Featuring "I Choose Us"
The First Scene – The Closet Argument
In this scene, Jack, struggling to reconcile his current high-powered lifestyle with the simpler, family-oriented life in this alternate reality, suggests that Kate should move with him to the city so he can pursue his ambitious career. She passionately pushes back, emphasizing the life they've built together and what truly matters. Kate says, “Maybe I was wrong. Maybe we can’t have it all. But I choose us. I choose the life we have here, our family, and our love.”Epiphany for Jack: This moment forces Jack to confront the sacrifices required for love and family. It challenges his perception of success, revealing that true fulfillment comes not from material wealth but from relationships and shared purpose.
The Second Scene – The Airport Farewell
At the end of the movie, in a moment of clarity and deep emotional connection, Jack pleads with Kate not to leave. He tells her that he now understands what he was missing all along. Kate responds with the same heartfelt conviction, “I choose us.” This marks the culmination of their journey, where both characters realize that love and commitment require prioritizing each other over personal ambitions.Epiphany for Both: Here, they recognize that true happiness isn’t about “having it all” in the way society defines it. Instead, it’s about building a life together where sacrifices are made for the greater good of the family.
Biblical Standards in Marriage
The movie’s themes align with biblical principles of marriage, emphasizing selflessness, commitment, and sacrificial love. Scriptures like Ephesians 5:25-33 call for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church, laying down their lives for them. Similarly, wives are called to respect and honor their husbands, creating a partnership rooted in mutual submission and love.
The traditional marriage vows—“to have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part”—echo these principles. They remind us that marriage is a covenant, not just a contract, where both partners commit to prioritizing their union above all else.
Today's Culture: Career vs. Family
In our modern, fast-paced world, the tension between career ambitions and family life has become more pronounced. Social media glorifies individual achievements, material wealth, and personal freedom, often at the expense of relationships. Many young adults prioritize careers over marriage, citing financial instability, fear of commitment, or the belief that marriage will hinder personal growth. Additionally, dating apps and hookup culture have commodified relationships, making it harder for people to form deep, lasting connections.
How Men and Women Are Compromising
Men: Many men are consumed by the pressure to succeed professionally, believing they must achieve financial security before pursuing marriage or children. This often leads to delayed commitments or the neglect of family responsibilities for career advancement.
Women: Women face societal pressures to “have it all,” balancing career aspirations with family expectations. In many cases, the desire for independence or fear of losing autonomy leads to delayed or avoided commitments to marriage and family.
Choosing “Us” in Today’s World
To counter these trends, we must return to biblical principles that value relationships, selflessness, and commitment:
Prioritize Covenant Over Culture
Marriage is a sacred covenant. Couples should focus on building a strong foundation rooted in faith, not societal expectations. As the Bible says in Matthew 19:6, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”Redefine Success
True success is not measured by wealth or career achievements but by the legacy of love, faith, and family we leave behind. As Kate says in The Family Man, “We may not have it all, but we have enough.”Value Sacrifice
Both partners must be willing to lay down their personal ambitions for the greater good of the family, reflecting Christ’s sacrificial love. This doesn’t mean abandoning dreams, but integrating them into a shared vision for the family’s future.Reclaim Dating for Marriage
Dating should be a means of discerning lifelong partnership, not a casual or temporary arrangement. By setting clear intentions and maintaining biblical values, couples can build stronger, more meaningful relationships.Teach the Next Generation
Parents, mentors, and churches must instill the value of marriage and family in the next generation, encouraging them to see these as blessings rather than burdens.
A Call to Action
The Family Man reminds us that we don’t have to sacrifice love or family to achieve our dreams. Instead, we can build a life that honors both, rooted in God’s design for marriage. In a culture that often prioritizes individualism and fleeting success, we must choose “us” daily—just as Christ chose us by laying down His life.
Whether you’re married, dating, or preparing for the future, let this be a reminder to prioritize relationships, live with intentionality, and trust God’s plan for your life. After all, the greatest legacy you can leave is one of love, faith, and family. You will have both and never have to choose between one or the other. I choose “us.”