I listened to a lot of messages because I love the wisdom of God and I know when I hear the unadulterated word. God is calling us to build the old waste places and repair the breaches. What does this mean in everyday practical living when you are in a relationship or marriage? Jada Edwards taught a message called Marriage on a Mission. This was one of the most practical messages on marriage I have heard in a long time. This was a microphone drop message for me. She said when you want to build intimacy in your marriage, you will cheer your spouse on when they are trying to love you in the way you want to be loved. She said you are not doing it to measure their efforts to see if they are doing an excellent job but because you have a marriage mission mindset. You are acknowledging the EFFORT they are making.
She said if you measure gratitude and encouragement on a scale from 1 to 10, that her husband is a nine and she is a negative four. She said she cannot say thank you enough to appreciate him. She said she really sucks at letting him know how much she appreciates him but tries hard. However, she said if she works hard on any given day to acknowledge his efforts, but she still may miss the two most important things he did, she shifts to a two. She said, if he wants intimacy, he will build a bridge to close that gap between the nine and the two. She said when it is about inspection, your spouse will say, I am over here, and you are still at two. She said, your spouse will always fail to meet the standard that you set for them but if you want intimacy, you will acknowledge how far they have started from.
This message reminded me of when I was previously married. My ex-late husband had already begun to pull away and I could feel the weight of our marriage, the new baby, and my other son now. Then suddenly, God decides to take me under his holy ghost knife. I was in spiritual surgery and grieving my childhood and the mother my mom was not to me, while God was requiring me to become the mother I needed to be with my children. This was so painful.
See, my late ex-husband had a good mom to her children. I was crying a lot but passed my test. My ex-late husband told me I acted like he was beating me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He slowly withdrew altogether from me, driving this cork of rejection deeper and deeper into my heart from my childhood. He told me to just get over it and just be a mother. He had no mercy at all on me. See I didn’t just want more kids, I wanted a family with a husband, and it felt like I just had a new baby and a lot of extra weight.
Sometimes your normal, is someone else’s miracle.
I was taking care of the children, but I was struggling emotionally without the support of my husband. I needed his encouragement and love. At that time, I was working at a place called The Women’s Treatment Center. It was an intervention facility for women on drugs and alcohol for them and their children: a last step before losing them. One morning I was attending a morning staff meeting. The medical director opens the agenda with stating, we want to honor the women in a unique way. She stated the women made it downstairs this week for breakfast with their kids on time. She then proceeds to ask, what should we do for them?
I had wings that day. I flew out of the meeting like Dash, Dash from the movie, The Incredibles. The weight of Gods glory fell on me so strong. I ran and balled in the bathroom. I was crying so hard. I said, God I am not on drugs and alcohol, and I am just as messed up emotionally as them. I was coming to work every day on time and taking the kids to school and was nurturing them. I couldn’t understand why I was going through all that with no honor. I heard God say, I am going to honor you. God was rebuilding those breaches since he wouldn’t share God’s love with me.
My late ex-husband would not build the old waste places and close the breaches in my heart but instead became an inspector. He was adding insult to my injuries. He would not acknowledge where I started from. I was not meeting his standards of a mother because I was weak to him. He did not see that weakness in his mother. Instead of building me up, he was crushing my efforts even more. He was not measuring my efforts and the fact that I was still taking care of the kids and going to work each day while he was cheating. He believed it was something I should just do without any gratitude and encouragement. He had absolutely no mercy on me emotionally or physically because he was comparing me to his mother. And on top pf all of this, he wouldn’t get a job to offer any financial support.
My mother was alive but lived like she was dead raising us and was not present emotionally. My dad’s mom struggled and allowed herself to be abused and her children. My great-grandmother struggled and at one point seriously considered killing herself and her four children. I wanted something different for my generations. I was pressing.
What areas is God calling you to raise up the foundation from many generations? What has your spouse told you was destroyed in their heart from a previous relationship or marriage that you can build a new foundation that was destroyed? Are you willing to repair the breaches? So many are missing building their love legacy and breaking generational curses by failing in the everyday acts of love and kindness in their relationships and marriage. You may ask yourself; how can I do this? It’s a decision.
The word says life and death are in the power of the tongue and they that love it will eat the fruit thereof. Are you repairing the breaches or destroying the paths? When we treat each other right, we not only make love deposits to each other, but others also are able to drink from that well.
David Burress said it like this: “The majority of men feel most loved when they feel heard, seen, valued and appreciated.” So, if your spouse needs you to do these things, understand you are building your foundation and restoring breaches in their hearts for generations to come. Let us break these curses so God can release his blessings in our relationships.
Isaiah 58:12 And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in.
Father May !?
Permission from me was not needed,
Because our Heavenly Father preceded,
us through our tears we both interceded,
I was not an option,
I understood the admission,
because I was the decision.
My heart is in His hand,
like a Spector, a royal diadem,
A weapon of war for Him,
extended on command,
Because your love was on demand,
for a response and a reaction,
Reducing me like a fraction,
to our lowest common denominator,
Our nominator.
As I bowed down,
To a king that was ready for his crown.
As He joined us by his spirit, power and might,
Taking all our wrongs and making them right,
Without my permission,
but in total submission,
Right from the start,
Your words penetrated and broke the hymn of my heart,
Suddenly in one moment our hearts were synced,
As our souls became linked.
We both recognized and felt the release,
Of His grace, his love and his peace.
You don’t need my permission,
you have His, because I understand the mission,
because I was never an option, I was always the decision.