Happy Valentines Day: Loves first Kiss

 Loves first Kiss

Genesis 29:11 Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud.

Wait a minute……….

The brother broke down just from a kiss.

A kiss….

How many of us as women, would love to be able to capture the heart of our mates the way Rachel did with just one kiss? I’m often fascinated by Jacob and Rachel’s love story. He was not only willing to wait but he was willing to labor. It cost Jacob something to endure to get Rachel. Even after his father-in-law tricked him he did not give up.

Don’t give up!!!

Don’t give up on love even though you may have felt like you were tricked and ended up in a bad situation.

Maybe you married the wrong one at first and it ended in divorce.

Maybe you were lied to and were engaged and let your guards down and ended up pregnant and he doesn’t want to marry you now.

Don’t give up!!!

Maybe you are still married and it wasn’t what you thought it would be.

Don’t give up!!!

Laban didn’t just trick him and he got the wrong wife but he made him work another whole seven years. He had to labor twice as hard to get his heart’s desire. So many don’t want to put in the work.

Are you willing to pay the price to get your heart’s desire?

Laban changed his wages ten times deceitfully!!! Come on!!! This is a lot of drama. Some men would have packed up and left! From my own limited experience, I’ve seen men walk away for much less than this and yet Jacob preserved. He loved Rachel. He discerned her worth despite the foolery.

Will you be able to look beyond the pain of the price it may cost you or has cost you to labor for the love of your life? I choose to believe that Jacob and Rachel are not the only ones that can find true love.

Your loves first kiss awaits you. It will be worth it!

I still believe in happily ever after…….

The heart of my husband

As you already know, Cinderella lost her glass slipper and was the only one that could fit it.  She was clothed in rags and hidden by life’s adversity until a moment in a time became hers and only her foot could fit that shoe.   So, it will be with the heart of my husband and the man that will walk with me.  You will be a man that has been carved and sculptured by the Master and we will fit perfectly. My message will be an echo of yours because you will understand both the times and the seasons of our day and that you were born for the time you would be needed the most.  See the world not only needs you, but I do too.

You have always been a King.  They say the lion is the King of the jungle.  You will be as bold as a lion and as gentle as a lamp.  A man that rules and takes charge in your sphere of influence.  One that knows how to control your atmosphere and emotions.  One that understands the power of his words not just your touch.  You will be able to touch me in places others would not because your words will unlock my deepest desires that are hidden to the naked eye. One that loves deeply and knows how to guard what is yours from allowing anyone to steal, kill or destroy it, not with a gun but with your love. For your love is a weapon. You will know I am yours before you ever touch me because your words will be able to capture my heart.

You will love deeply with an understanding that too much is forgiven the same loveth much.  You also have been forgiven of much as I have, and you will drink deeply from that well.  You have loved and lost.  You have committed your thoughts to the Lord, that he would establish the work of your hands.  You have spent seasons developing yourself so that you will be the best version that I will receive. You will love me with your deeds not only your words.  You have separated yourself from anything that could ever separate you from our love so our future will be secure. 

You have walked through fire and lived to tell without the stench of smoke like Daniel. You understand this same grace, to be delivered from the fire and the lion and now what did not destroy you, you have become.  You are that lion.  You are that Fire.  You will have the confidence of Abraham to believe God for your promises in the face of the impossible and I will be like Sarah. And we shall laugh as we receive our promises together; with the understanding the greatest gifts that we could ever give each other will be love and respect.

The Butterfly effect

How does the butterfly effect affect people?

The butterfly effect theory states that when a butterfly moves its wings, it can cause a cyclone in another part of the world. It has become, in modern times, a metaphor for the existence of seemingly insignificant moments that alter history and shape of destiny.

That’s exactly what happened to Peter Parker, Abraham, Moses, David, Joseph, Samson and my great grandfather and many others. Lets read on to see how it happened.

“With great power comes great responsibility”, these were the words from his Uncle Ben, that would become a web that would ensnare Spiderman himself and leave what he loved spun to become a prey.  He had the power to stop that criminal from getting on that elevator getting passed him.  But Peter Parker replied, “I missed the part where that was my problem”.  How many times have we been wronged in life and instead of humbling ourselves to make a situation right, we wanted to prove we were right. 

The scripture admonishes us in Proverbs 3:27

27 Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.

  That criminal never would have gotten to his Uncle to steal his car and shoot and kill him.  If only, Peter could have gotten passed his own offense, his own pain, and his own frustration of being wronged and cheated. 

What is in the power of your hand that God is requiring for you to be responsible for that he has given you? Abraham had a promise, Moses had a rod, David had a sling shot, Joseph had a dream and Samson had a jawbone of a donkey and was able to change history.

My great grandfather, Elijah Muhammad, had a gift of influence and the power to cause him to cry out to the God of his father, whom was a Christian.  What a great spiritual legacy he could have left in the earth, if only he had served the true and living God.  Where would our generations be today? How many souls would have been saved from being lost? How many of my family members would not have been deceived because he exalted a man claiming that Master W. Fard Muhammad was God and built his own religion.  Here in an interview from my late great uncle as he shares a moment of truth.

Watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xko4mQQDI20 

My prayer is Lord deliver my family and their friends to put in motion the turning of a Nation back to the true and living God and begin to answer the cries of those that have interceded and stood in the gap for the Nation of Islam and Muslims everywhere to be set free.  I pray Ephesians 1:18-23 that

18 The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what the hope of his calling is, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,

19 And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,

20 Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places,

21 Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:

22 And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church,

23 Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.

Dear Future Husband: Broken and Beautiful

God told me years ago as I was writing my memoir that you would find me at this next level of exposure. I pray you find me soon. I pray that you are preparing yourself like I am. I pray that you are guarding your heart and getting healed, so that we can have our happily ever after. No matter what we both have been through. I pray that you will not be afraid to share your heart and your desires with me. I pray your love will unlock my heart without question that you are the one. I pray that I will be your only desire and that you will never break my heart and give your love away to another. I now understand every time I was rejected that God was preserving my love for you.

I'm ready to love again.

I have submitted my heart and body to God years ago with hope for our future which has given me the focus to wait. I believe in our love. You will have no need of spoil and will be able to trust me with your heart. I pray that you know I will do you good and not evil all the days of my life. I will never leave you. I would rather die by laying down my life for you than to be separated from you: for there is no greater love than this. I pray that you would not read my book like another fairytale. Although, I had to be willing to love a beast in order to exchange the ashes for the beauty, you will now receive. I loved a man that didn't love me back. How much deeper will my love be for you because you will love me back? I pray that I will find great favor in your sight, from the moment you meet me, just like Queen Esther did with her King.

I pray that God will show you my heart. That you will know that my love is real and genuine. That it is patient and kind and everything you will dream it should and will be. I pray that as you read my story, you will understand the price it cost me to become the woman that I am today. It cost me years of tears. Nights of suffering in my flesh to cease from sinning. I had to run through generational troops of pain and sorrow, that were filled with heartbreaks and mistakes. I leaped over generational walls, that were set up by the enemy, of demonic ancestral curses that proclaimed I would never be able to love a man because I was too damaged.

I travailed for my own deliverance and healing from past wounds, so that you would only read of the scars but never have to experience the pain. I came out of agreement with demonic strongholds in my mind, that tried to hold me hostage, to tell me that a man could never love me the way I desire and deserve. I will love you with no fear. I will love you with no shame. I will be honored to take your name and follow you as you follow Christ.

I swam through bitter waters that almost drowned me. I walked on fires of revenge that almost burned me alive without the stitch of smoke to tell, holding on desperately to a wire believing that I would love again. My tears that I sowed created a well that we both will drink from that is filled with love, mercy and grace. I didn't give my heart away. I believe you exist and will find me soon and when you do, know it will take every day God gives us to fully discover the jewel that I am. I pray that while I am yet waiting to be discovered that God will perfect your love that you will be able to love me like Jacob loved Rachael. I pray that you will understand that the value of my love will outweigh the cost of your labor. My hearts desire is that I will become the love of your life not just your wife.

So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

Love your future wife,

Marie

P.S. Loving me will be easy and you will like me too! :)

Seize the moment

In the midst of the storm sometimes it feels like we are not going to make it across. However, it is in these moments, Jesus told the disciples before the storm every came, “let us pass over to the other side”. (Mark 14:18-29) He is Alpha and Omega. He declares the end from the beginning. In the storm that arose, they cried for Jesus to save them and when he came, they did not recognize him.

Don’t be like the disciples that couldn’t perceive it was Jesus because he didn’t come the way they were familiar with. It will be different this time.

Some storms come to reveal another dimension of him and if we are not sensitive to his spirit, we will miss an opportunity. An opportunity came in the midst of adversity when everyone was scared. Jesus never called Peter to walk on the water. He may not invite you but that does not mean you cannot come.

Instead, Peter said, if it is you Lord, bid me to come. And then Jesus said, Come. There is an opportunity that awaits you but you must first perceive it is Christ.

What opportunity is standing before you?

Will you recognize him although it is not familiar?

Will you seize the moment?

Peter seized the moment. Have you ever looked at a person and said why them and not you? Peter’s response caused him to make history in that moment. They all had the same opportunity.

What is God trying to get you through and you have felt overwhelmed to accomplish and forsaken? When Jesus came to their rescue he addressed their faith level. Remember he had told them to cross over to the other side. Shortly before that, he had just miraculously provided for them with 12 baskets left of bread. They had soon forgotten the last miracle he had just provided for them. This storm was on the backdrop of him keeping the people from fainting and feeding the multitudes with only two fish and five loaves of bread.

He made sure that he had 12 baskets full left on the boat as they crossed. Why? Why does God want us to remember our last blessings and victories? He wants us to know that if he delivered us out of the last situation that should have destroyed us that he is the same God that will deliver us from the storm we are facing now. In the midst of whatever you are facing, God wants you to seize the moment. Allow him to reveal a new dimension of himself, remember the last victory, and cross over to the other side.

Your heart will set you apart..........

Everyone and everything was and is born with a passion and a purpose.  Race horses love to run.  Just like race horses, many have been called but few are chosen.  Many people have been called to the stalks of life to run a race that may seem impossible but few prepare themselves to be chosen.  Secretariat’s heart set him apart and allowed him to run a race that others could not run. 

Secretariat is my favorite race horse.  With odds stacked against him from the beginning, he proved everyone wrong that betted against him and didn’t believe in him.  He was a thoroughbred that won the Triple Crown in 1973.  He was a horse that broke records and set new standards.  God is calling you to be set apart and do the same but it will be because of your heart.  Although, Secretariat’s owners had been in the horse business for generations and hoped for the best, it would not be until after his death and an autopsy was done that revealed the true secret of his greatness.  No one thought he could overcome his history: he lost some important races, he was too large and the broadness of his shoulders and the odds were stacked against him.

So many thought you were not good enough.

You were not from the right side of the tracks. 

What odds are stacked against you? What in your family background has made you believe you cannot overcome?  Have you thought, I’m not from a well-known family; I don’t have the right connections?  Are these some of the voices that whisper to you? 

1 Sam 16:7 ….for the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

It was something different about the heart of Secretariat, just like King David. It was a matter of the heart. God called King David a man after his own heart, not because he did everything right but because he pursued him to get his heart.  David understood that in order to run his course and obey God’s word he would need his heart enlarged (psalm 119:32).  This was a passion that we see was imparted to his son Solomon in 1 Kings 4:29

29 And God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding exceeding much, and largeness of heart, even as the sand that is on the sea shore.

King David accomplished much for God but he did it because he allowed God to increase, stretch, correct and direct him as a leader.  Did he make mistakes?  Yes, but his heart set him apart.  He knew how to humble himself and to repent.  He knew he could trust in the mercy and goodness of God to restore him.  What kind of leader are you and what will be your legacy?  Allow God to enlarge your heart so he can increase your capacity to run your race.  It was a matter of the heart for Secretariat as well.  Secretariat had a healthy heart 2.5 times larger than the average horse.  What kind of heart do you have towards God and his people?

2 Chronicles 16:9 (NKJV)

9 For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong on behalf of them whose heart is loyal towards him.

Get ready, God is about to show himself strong on your behalf.

Heaven's Announcement

You are having a baby!!!  This was heavens announcement to Samson’s mom. Sometimes when God is ready to reveal something, it will not always come the way we think it will or has in times past.  We must stay open to the leading of God.  God chose to tell the woman first instead of her husband.  Too every man that fights for his place and says if it was God he would tell you first---examine the scriptures.  God talks to women and it is important that you listen. 

I love the way the Lord has a way of humbling us.  If we don’t humble ourselves then he allows life lessons to teach us. I laughed when I first read the announcement of Samson’s birth to his mother.  I had to reread it.  The angel comes to tell his mom, who was barren and proclaims the assignment and requirements for his life.  Sometimes God will tell her first.

She goes and tells her husband and he prays that God would send the angel back and tell him too.  God is so merciful and he does it.  Wouldn’t it be great ladies, if we could just get God to do this today? It would save us some meals, some heartaches, possibly the marriage and even their lives.

You may be saying, I’m not having a baby so what does this have to do with me?  Maybe not a natural one but maybe you are about to give birth to an assignment.  God wants to do something brand new in your life through your situation and no one else around you has ever done it before.  Samson represented a time of judgment.  His people had been obsessed for 40 years and God was ready to deliver them. 

When God gets ready to raise up a deliverers anointing like Samson, he gives you the ability to do what others around you cannot do.  Samson was stronger than most.  Spiritually, you are able to do exploits that ordinarily would be impossible naturally but with faith all things are possible.  Your faith is going to make the difference and set you apart.  Don’t allow the barrenness of your situation to make you believe that it is impossible to give birth to what God has placed on the inside of you. God is requiring that you walk by faith and not by sight.  It’s coming without the permission of man!

Judges 13:3, 6-9

A certain man of Zorah, named Manoah, from the clan of the Danites, had a wife who was childless, unable to give birth. 3The angel of the Lord appeared to her and said, “You are barren and childless, but you are going to become pregnant and give birth to a son.

6Then the woman went to her husband and told him, “A man of God came to me. He looked like an angel of God, very awesome. I didn’t ask him where he came from, and he didn’t tell me his name. 7But he said to me, ‘You will become pregnant and have a son. Now then, drink no wine or other fermented drink and do not eat anything unclean, because the boy will be a Nazirite of God from the womb until the day of his death.’ ”

8Then Manoah prayed to the Lord: “Pardon your servant, Lord. I beg you to let the man of God you sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born.”

9God heard Manoah, and the angel of God came again to the woman while she was out in the field; but her husband Manoah was not with her. 10The woman hurried to tell her husband, “He’s here! The man who appeared to me the other day!”

Inside Edition

The Inside Edition was one of television's longest running, top-rated, and most-honored syndicated news magazine. However, long before Inside Edition, God always has had a way of causing the atrocities’ of his people to work out for their good, by providing them with advantages.

 Let’s go peak over into the camp of David. 

1 Sam 30 David and his men were all out to battle and left their wives and children unprotected. The enemy came in and took them captive and took all the spoils from them and burned their land.  David and all the men wept and were sore grieved that they spoke off stoning David, their King.  The bible says David encouraged himself and he sought God, whether he should pursue their enemies.  Not only did God tell him to pursue them, he let him know he would overtake them and recovery all.

What situation are you facing that God is requiring you to encourage yourself? What has caused you to be so disheartened that   you feel as though can never be recovered or restored? It looked bad, it felt bad and it was bad but he had a word from God.  David took the men with him that were strong enough to fight, without even a clear battle strategy; he headed out on his way.  God will provide a strategy as we step out in faith to obey him.

Let’s check out David’s inside edition.

13 And David said unto him, to whom do you belong? And where are you from?  And he said, I am a young man of Egypt, servant to an Amalekite; and my master left me, because three days ago I fell sick.

14 We made an invasion upon the south of the Cherethites and upon the coast which belongs to Judah, and upon the south of Caleb; and we burned Ziklag with fire.

15 And David said to him, Canst thou bring me down to this company? And he said, Swear unto me by God, that thou wilt neither kill me, nor deliver me into the hands of my master, and I will bring thee down to this company.

God’s Inside edition.

The answer to your victory maybe in the mouth of those you count as your enemy. God provided an insider to give them the strategy they needed to defeat their enemy and get back not only what was taken but more.  All things are working together for our good.  People that were once counted with your enemies are going to join you on the Lord’s side.  They will be the very ones that will help you defeat those that have stood to oppose you and that have stolen from you. God is going to give you an inside edition to give you the victory. Get ready, your victory is on the inside.

Mission Impossible

Time magazine's Richard Schickel wrote, "What is not present in Mission: Impossible (which, aside from the title, sound-track quotations from the theme song and self-destructing assignment tapes, has little to do with the old TV show) is a plot that logically links all these events or characters with any discernible motives beyond surviving the crisis of the moment." Much like Richard Schickel’s critique of the Mission Impossible movie that opened May 22, 1996, was the plot and mission of my great grandfather that exemplifies a lack of eternal weight beyond its ability to survive the crisis of the time in which it was fabricated.

In an interview granted to The National Educational Television Network in Phoenix, Arizona by the staff of San Francisco station KQED, my great grandfather, Elijah Muhammad was asked the following:

Question: How would you describe your mission?

Answer: “My mission is to give life to the dead. What I teach brings them out of death and into life. My mission, as the Messenger, is to bring the truth to the world before the world is destroyed. There will be no other Messenger. I am the last and after me will come God Himself. I do not say I will live so long as that, but when God comes, if it pleases Him, I may be with Him. However, if I am not with Him, this is the final. The truth I bring will give you the knowledge of yourself and of God.”

-Message to The Blackman in America, Chapter 133

Here we see the admittance of the hypocrisy of the lies and deception of my great grandfather from the mouth of Minister Louis Farrakhan in 1994, watch this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=eSfiMoTnXps#t=165

The bible warns against those that would come to preach another Jesus, 1 Cor. 3:10.

In the book of Matthew Jesus makes it very clear of several reasons for his mission and what would come after him in John 16:7, 13

· Matthew 10:34 - “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword.”

· Matthew 18:11 - “For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost.”

· John 16:7-Nevertheless I tell you the truth; it is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.

· John 16:13- Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will show you things to come.

Unlike Elijah Muhammad whose mission was impossible because Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, Elijah was never able to fulfill his mission here neither eternally able to raise anyone from the dead because Jesus is the Resurrection and the life.

Choose this day who you will serve God or man.

Schickel, Richard (May 27, 1996). "Movie: Improbable". Time. Retrieved 2014-06-09.

Its time to bow

It’s time to bow. Jacob was about to get a second chance and his “Esau” is coming down the road. Is there something that God is about to do in your life that you missed out on before? Is your ability to humble yourself and submit by bowing to your desires, bowing your gift, bowing your finances, bowing your attitude, a question of whether or not you will get it? Let’s see what Jacob does as he realizes his opportunity that he missed years ago is coming down the road.

Jacob Meets Esau

33 And Jacob lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, Esau was coming, and four hundred men with him. So he divided the children among Leah and Rachel and the two female servants. 2 And he put the servants with their children in front, then Leah with her children, and Rachel and Joseph last of all. 3 He himself went on before them, bowing himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother.

I believe one of our key strategies in this season to get where we need to be is to humble ourselves in this season of prophetic fulfillment that God will accelerate things for us, as we humble ourselves and submit under the mighty hand of God.

Lord give us grace to trust you and not operate in fear. Give us wisdom and strategies in order to move forward so we will know exactly how to bow.

None would be lost

My mind immediately reverted to a prophecy I had received in September 2011 from my leader, Apostle Matthew Stevenson. I had rushed into the church, being a little behind my normal time, and ended up in the back, sitting in a folding chair. I began to weep while pleading my case to the righteous judge, Jesus.

“This is between you and Me, Lord,” I cried. All I want to be is a good mother and raise my children. I’m tired of him fighting with me, God. I’m tired,” I confessed. The more I said it, the more the presence of God fell on me. No sooner had I said it again than I heard Apostle Matthew Stevenson ask loudly on the microphone, “Has anyone seen Marie?”

“The Lord woke me up at midnight regarding you,” he said. “Turn around and face the congregation.” When I turned around, he gave me a prophetic word that came true almost one year later. “You will never stand in another courtroom with him again, and if you do, the Lord is going to settle it in the courtroom of heaven.”

The God that Sees me and you

Through Apostle Eckhardt’s prophetic word, God allowed me to know that he saw me by acknowledging the pain of my past and my struggles. God wants us to know that he sees us, and when we understand that, we will be able to see him. How does he reveal this to us? We can see an example in Hagar. God promised a child to Abram and Sarai; when the promised wasn’t fulfilled, she took matters into her own hands and offered Hagar, her maidservant, to her husband. Fast-forward, Hagar gets pregnant and has something Sarai doesn’t. (See Genesis 16:1–4.)

Has God given you something He hasn’t given to anybody else? You didn’t ask for it but you got it. Maybe God placed you in a position in ministry or you got a promotion at work.

Perhaps the very person who gave it to you now has turned on you. Abram kicks her to the curb. Have you ever been pushed aside? “Your slave is in your hands,” Abram said. “Do with her whatever you think best. Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her” (v. 6 niv). Now, Hagar is on the run, but God pursues her. And He will do the same for you. How many times have we said, “God didn’t call me to be mistreated. I’m not taking that from him or her. I’m not going to go through that. Will God require us to submit to situations even when we are being mistreated?”

Yes, for a season.

“Then the angel of the Lord told her, ‘Go back to your mistress and submit to her’” (v. 9, niv). It may have been painful, but she submitted to God’s word: The angel added, “I will increase your descendants so much that they will be too numerous to count.” The angel of the Lord also said to her: “You are now pregnant and you will give birth to a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery. He will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone’s hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers.”

—Genesis 16:10–12, niv

God gave her a prophetic promise, and with it she was able to endure the hardship and have hope. In the midst of that prophetic promise given to Hagar, God revealed Himself to her, and she declared Him to be “the God who sees me.” But she also was able to see the God who saw her. God has a prophetic promise for you and your children. “She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me’” (v. 13, niv). Allow God to reveal Himself through your brokenness as the God who sees you so you can also see the God who sees you. I was able to bear the next season of my life, knowing that God saw me, and I was able to see Him even in the midst of my own struggles.

Overcoming

In March 1991, Apostle John Eckhardt called me to the altar to give me a prophetic word from the Lord. Sometimes in the midst of your storm all you may have is a prophetic word. It was Paul’s prophetic word that brought them to safety when no one else even believed they were going to make it. God was teaching me to trust Him. He was building my faith for my own deliverance and for the deliverance of those I would need to believe Him for. How would I ever really know He could set them free? He was doing it first in me.

These words were life to me. They would serve as an anchor—when I would lose my way in the next chapter of my life. When the enemy would tell me to walk away from God, I could hear

Apostle Eckhardt:

My daughter, the Spirit of God says your whole life has been one of struggle, struggling against the odds and overcoming things that seem to be in the way to stop you and hinder you. And the Lord is saying, He has made you an overcomer, to persevere and press past the obstacles in your home, and your personal life, and the things that would attack you and try to weigh you down. These are incredible odds, but it’s the grace of God, my dear sister, it’s the grace of God that has given you the ability to overcome these incredible odds. Your life will be one of miracles, and the people you meet will be miracle appointments. Don’t trust in what you see in the flesh. My miracle-working power is in your life to break you through incredible odds by the Spirit of the living God.

Tempted to take revenge

“Do you love me?” I asked him. He flipped the question,

“Do you love yourself?”

That was one of the hardest realities I had to face. He walked out the door, and as the door closed behind him, I fell to my knees. “Lord! I do not love myself,” I admitted. But I told Jesus I would allow Him to love me. God’s unfailing love overshadowed me in the coming days and months, and for years to come. His love became a shield against the spirit of death that would try to squeeze into my thoughts.

What a challenge! ………………….The boys were two-and-a-half years apart, and I didn’t know how we made it that far. It was so difficult sleeping next to my husband that I couldn’t even stand to hear him breathe.

Petrified of the inevitable

But nothing and no one was going to make me take my eyes off my inheritance or my unsaved family members. God had promised them to me, even though the enemy had intensified his attacks. I remember going to my husband to encourage him to stay in agreement with me, and I told him that God had given me faith to recover all that had been lost. He looked at me and said, "But you won't have me."

My husband was detaching himself more and more. He wouldn't talk to me. He stopped sleeping with me. The moment I stepped foot in the house from work, he would run out of the apartment, careful not to acknowledge my presence. During those rare times he did say something, he was brutal. We were at the breaking point, and that's when I got a call that Charisma magazine wanted to write a feature article about me growing up in a famous family and my testimony of coming to Christ.

Talking about an oxymoron!

There I was about to face the Red Sea of my life, and God had just taken the hinges off the door to a huge opportunity for ministry. I knew it was God's way of letting me know He was well-pleased with me. Spiritually it felt like the Holy Spirit descended upon me like a dove as He had done for Jesus, when God opened the heavens and testified that Jesus was His beloved Son in whom he was well-pleased. I had never preached, contacted the magazine, or had any ministry cards.

Negatives

There we were framed in a moment of time. We were mounted by a prophetic promise and vow that was holding it all in place. The nails that it hung on, were the same ones that held Jesus to the Cross-love. It began to lean to the side and the picture was now suspended in air. I didn't know if the love was strong enough to keep us in place. The image was no longer clear. I couldn't see him anymore in the picture with the kids and me. I thought mine would be different from all the other marriages that ended up destroyed and torn by adultery. The picture was ripped.

I was suddenly thrown in a dark room.

But in my spirit I had negatives that needed to be developed. I could see us together; we were called to the multitudes. My tears became the solution that allowed me to see the images that were still hid to the naked eye. I was interceding in the dark and even when it didn’t looked like anything; I still kept praying.

1 Corinthians 7:1616 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

When I wanted to stop praying, I couldn't. I was compelled. I was driven to this dark place where only God could help me see what no one else could. He was sharing his eternal secrets and causing the passions of Christ to be developed from the negatives in me.

Deuteronomy 29:29 The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.

It was in this place, that I would discover the beauty of who he had created me to be. Why did I have to go through this? Why me? I was torn, split and I desperately wanted to quit. I didn't even know why I still wanted to be married anymore. But other things began to appear in the negatives as I kept weeping. The solution for the images was producing a clearer picture. It was no longer about what he was or wasn't doing, if he loved me or not, how angry and bitter I had become. I had finally gotten passed me, passed us. I began to see my great-grandmother, Clara Muhammad. I was close enough now to the negatives, that I could hear her cries and her cries became mine.

Pregnant at 17

With nowhere else to go, I moved back in with my mother, who was living with her sister and brother-in-law and their five teenage children in a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. Mom waited for several weeks before she came in one day from work and dropped a bombshell on me: “I changed my mind,” she announced. “I made an appointment for you to have an abortion.” I was nine-and-a-half weeks pregnant! My heart sank. How many blows can a boxer sustain to the chest before his heart gives out?

I don’t know the answer to that question, but I do know we are not created to live a life of constant hurt and emotional pain. And I wasn’t sure how much more disappointment my heart could withstand before it stopped beating. I did not intend to abort my baby. I had been taking care of myself and going to my doctor for prenatal care. “What?” I exclaimed when I heard what she said. I was unable to say much more. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe what Mom had said. All I could do was weep. She was my last hope for survival because I had to have a place to live. But she suddenly reneged on our agreement, and I felt totally powerless to change her mind about the baby.

The Honorable Elijah Muhammad

In his book The Fall of America, Elijah wrote that the only way to “God”—whom he claimed was Master Wallace Fard Muhammad was through him:

I am the Door. By no means can you get by except you come by me. Your prayers will not be heard unless my name is mentioned in them. I am saying that you cannot get a prayer through to Allah (God) unless you mention me in your prayers. I have the key to your salvation, and I have the key to your hell. I can, if you will let me, pull you out of hell and set you into heaven. Then I can keep you in heaven; or I can keep pushing you and push you into the punishment of hell until you acknowledge that there is no God but Allah Who came in the Person of Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom praises are due forever, and that Elijah Muhammad is His Servant. There is no escape for you today. The only way is through me to Allah (God). Me first, for you cannot get to Allah (God) without getting to me first.4

My great-grandfather’s teachings are chilling, especially when you consider the scores of people who are in eternity separated from Jesus because they chose to follow him. Whenever I read one of his books, a compassion comes over me that provokes me to answer the call of God on my life so that I can share the truth with people who still follow his teachings.

[4] Elijah Muhammad The Fall of America (Phoenix: Secretarius MEMPS Publications, 1973), 205.

Muhammad Ali and me

Granddaddy would often surprise us and pick us up for the weekend. I can remember us being at Muhammad-Ali’s mansion, which was right around my grandparents’ home.  Granddaddy would send a personal driver to chauffeur us to Ali’s house for private Arabic lessons: I refused to participate. I would sneak out of class and wander around the very same house that had brought me so much joy earlier in my life.

Nevertheless, granddaddy Jabir was the highlight of my childhood. He had a family of his own and a busy career overseeing Muhammad Ali’s business affairs. But when he wasn’t negotiating multimillion-dollar deals for the heavyweight champion of the world, he would carve out time in his schedule to spend with us. And while most kids would have been happy to see their grandfather and get just one dollar, I was used to getting crisp, one hundred dollar bills from my grandfather. Granddaddy even surprised us one day and brought Muhammad-Ali to our home.

But he didn’t stop there.

Grandaddy and Muhammad-Ali

Elijah ingrained his teachings in the minds of his children, especially my grandfather Jabir, the chief business manager for the Nation of Islam and Elijah's adviser. Jabir, who was my father's father, disapproved of my parents marriage because my mother was a Christian and several years older than him. As a result, he disinherited my father. This was significant for the welfare of our family because Jabir was a very wealthy man. Beyond the high positions he held within the Nation of Islam, he enjoyed financial success from being the longtime personal manager of boxer Muhammad Ali, eventually earning him a position in the hall of fame.

Ali became the world-heavyweight champion in 1964 when he defeated Sonny Liston. Jabir managed his boxing career from 1966 until 1981 and continued to manage him for ten more years after Ali retired from fighting. Ali had been drawn into the Nation of Islam by activist Malcolm X, a member of the Nation and my great-grandfather chief disciple. Jabir told Thomas Hauser in his 1991 oral history, Muhammad Ali: His Life and Times, that he had undertaken the managerial role for the fighter at great-grandfather's request, to ensure that no one took advantage of Ali. For twenty-six years, I've been teaching Ali about the religion, my grandfather told Hauser. My father put that job on me and asked me to show him the way.

Ali was very good to my family. He even allowed my parents to live in his home in Chicago during a time when they were trying to scrape up enough money to rent a house. He was always so nice to me and my siblings. It was only for a short period of time before my great-grandfather decided to give my parents money so they could buy a home. Mom found a home not far from where Muhammad Ali was living, and they bought it. This was the beginning of the storms that would come and break my foundation into pieces.