“Give me [fill in the blank], or else I will die.”

Genesis 30:1–2, which says: “And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die. And Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?”

Jacob was understandably upset with Rachel. The last sentence in the text explains why: “Am I in God’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?” I can hear Jacob now. He was saying: “I am not God, Rachel! It’s wrong for you to put that kind of pressure on me. God is in control of your life, and He’s the only person who can open your womb!” Rachel wanted Jacob to give her a child, and I wanted my husband to heal my childhood wounds.

What about you, reader? How many times have you wanted to give up because someone wasn’t there for you? Maybe you’ve invested in your son, daughter, or marriage, but it feels like you’ve sown into a barren land. Remember, Jacob labored fourteen years for Rachel and didn’t give up on marrying her (Genesis 29–30). Even after he worked for seven years to pay off his debt to marry her, she wanted to die because she couldn’t have a baby. She couldn’t have what she wanted most, so nothing else was good enough for her. Not even her husband!

You may get to the point where you find yourself saying what Rachel said, “Give me [fill in the blank], or else I will die.” If you find yourself saying something like that, then I want you to know what I discovered at that point. It is that God wants you to know you are not going to die, just like I didn’t die because I couldn’t get from my husband what I so desperately wanted. The Bible says God finally remembered Rachel and that she conceived a son and named him Joseph (Gen. 30:23–24).

Actually, God never had forgotten Rachel. He allowed the adversity in her life for the same reasons I believe He uses it in our lives: to make us dependent on Him, to correct us, to build our character, and more. Whatever the reason may be in your life, God is going to remember your time of affliction and give you your heart’s desire if you trust and believe in Him.

Get ready. Your tears have not been in vain. God is about to remember you, as He did Rachel and me. As imperfect as it was, my marriage was becoming more about God’s unconditional love and forgiveness for the two of us as a picture of perfection. The lessons God taught me then still govern my life today. Namely, God’s love can and did heal the deep wounds of my childhood.

The scars were still there, but the sting of rejection, self-pity, anger, and all the other traps the enemy set for me while I was growing up were being healed as I allowed God to heal. The father wants our self worth to come from him and not man so that if your spouse ever leaves, you will not lose you too in that process. Allow God to fill in the blank and receive what you need.

Keep going

As a young child, I can remember when we heard our name called in school, we were instructed to say, present.  God is taking attendance in this hour and he is looking to see if we are in our positions.  Are you AWOL, absent without leave?  Have you abandoned your post spiritually and perhaps even naturally?  Sometimes we can be present physically but we have checked out in other ways.  We must return to our first love that is Christ and start over again and sometimes all it takes to start over is just to be present. However, sometimes life can throw you a curve ball and cause you to become so broken that being present becomes the miracle.

On January 26, 2020, the world was shaken not by Coronavirus but by the sudden and extremely tragic death of legendary NBA player Kobie Bryant and not just him but his daughter and several others.  It wasn’t supposed to be this way and while the world was grieving him and his daughter, his wife and children would have to find the strength to live on without them both. In an interview with People magazine, it tells how the world was mourning, Vanesa still had to stay present for her other three daughters.

 I can only imagine the weights not only on her shoulders but her heart.  It wasn’t just about her loss, but she had to now be able to comfort them while she also was grieving. The work that Kobie had already started would suffer and all of those that depended on it if she was not able to keep it together and be present.  The article shares how she was able to take charge of his unfinished projects at Granity Studios and how she relaunched his non-for profit Mamba and Mambacita Sports Foundation, as a tribute to both Kobie and her daughter.  This organization will help empower young girls and other underserved athletes which was one of his greatest visions.  People magazine states. “All the while, Vanessa showed breathe taking resilience and grace as she navigated heartache while staying present for her daughters.” I believe this has been one of her biggest challenges.

I have lost both my children’s fathers to rare forms of cancer. I can only imagine her grief because her youngest two daughters are very small. Although, her loved ones were not sick, they were abruptly lost in a moment without warning.  I still understand and can empathize with her pain.  I remember a day in my life that the weights and cares of this world I was carrying were so great, I didn’t think I was going to make it.  It was so difficult for me just to get up because of depression.  I was struggling as a single mom.  When my husband walked out and left me with my three sons, the youngest was 9 months old. I was a wreck and yet was required to stay present because they were depending on me. After just 3 years of our divorce, he died of a rare form of cancer. I had to keep going.  You must keep going. Others are depending on you.

And when my daughter lost her father a few years ago at two, she was consistently asking for him. It is a place that you must trust God to heal you and them so that the other things in your life don’t fall by the wayside.  God wants to heal your heart if you will continue to press and stay present in the moment.  There are others that are depending on you and this is a defining moment for you. Find hope and joy which is your strength in the beauty of the things that you have left and are surrounded by.  Don’t allow the bitterness of this past season to make you check out and refuse to be comforted.  Learn from Vanessa Bryant, myself and others that have experienced the same loss. Let us draw strength and remember that God is the same God yesterday, today and forever.

My notebook

I wrote this 2/14/21 on my thumb drive…and added to it.

What will you remember when you forget?  For two years from July 2005 to July 2007, I worked as a Research assistant for a longitudinal study for Alzheimer’s at Rush Hospital. I completely stepped out of my field and learned some new skills. I am a communicator by nature. I love to talk and talking was what i had to do. We were required to complete two 2 1/2-hour assessments each day. These were scripted interviews. We had to go back each year and ask the exact same questions. These were very intimate and intrusive questions.

The participants could not already have dementia or Alzheimer’s and they had to be at least 65 years of age. It always fascinated me, and the question of my heart was then and is: What will you remember, when you forget?

Your short-term memory is the first thing you will forget if you are diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, so hopefully you will have some good long-term memories that you will remember. What will your heart remember when you forget? I sat listening to a dear loved one whom was almost 81 years old as he helped me cut up my sweet potatoes a few years ago for Thanksgiving.   He repeated the same story over and repeatedly as he expressed each time with the same amount of enthusiasm, tales of his childhood and how good his mom was to him and his siblings. Each time i responded as if it was his first time sharing it; never tiring as his gratitude and honor watered the soil of my heart. I loved him dearly and he loved me and my boys.. He was my ex late husband’s step father, Charlie. He was the one that my late husband told him not to leave me while I was pregnant. He saved my life but didn’t know it.

My own hearts passions were stirred as I also shared of the things that meant so much to me; hoping that one day if the one i hold so dear ever forgets, that his heart never does. What will you remember when you forget?

One of the most memorable interviews was while I was in Minnesota assessing a Priest. He had been a social worker and a priest for 38 years. I finished my assessment and I was wrapping my laptop cord. In this great gruff voice with much command, he asked me a question. He said, dear, do you know you have a gift? I laughed with a bit of arrogance and curiosity. I asked him, what might that be. He said, you have a gift of ease. My mind was racing because I had not read that in the bible listed as a gift. I asked him to expound. He said, I have been a priest and a social worker for 38 years and in all of my years, I have never ever felt so comfortable sharing with anyone like I did with you today. I was honored. I would save that memory because what I would find out years later connected to my gift of ease would serve me well and give me a shadow of my eternal assignment in heaven.

There was one question that still swells my heart like chasing Mavericks. The one question that was etched in my mind that i would have to ask them, “were you the type of person that stood up for what you believed, regardless of the consequences?”

I, myself, truly can answer this question will a resounding, Yes! Do you stand up for what you believe? David asked the question, Is there not a cause? I was willing to give my life for my generations now and those to come.

Caleb And Joshua believed they were well able to overcome the giants in the land of Canaan, regardless of how big they were. They dared to defy the odds that were against them. God honored their faith and gave them everything he showed them they would have. It took longer for them to get it. They lost their leader and others that were supposed to go with them but they got what he promised. They remembered what he had done for them in Eygpt.

You are writing a story on your loved ones hearts and all that are watching and if their mind every forgets, what will they remember when you forget? Value every moment because your mind may forget but your heart will remember.

Slay your giants, fall in love, chase your Mavericks, don’t be afraid to try again. Stand up for the things that you believe.

Freedom

A year before my late ex-husband died, I received a very unexpected phone call while I was at work.  I was about to receive a word of freedom but didn’t know it.  Make no mistake he did not talk to me much AT ALL.  But this time he was obeying God.  See, he was a man that didn’t understand his authority or power in the earth but when he spoke for God, he moved kingdoms. He said, Marie, I am not a hundred percent if you want to be married again but he said this I am sure of.   He said, you believe your future husband will not have a right to all God is going to give you because of all you suffered with me. 

See we were not talking as friends. We were at best brother and sister in Christ.  He had brought me to his church and openly repented for the way he had treated me. His message became forgiveness.  He was carrying the weight of the cost of his bitterness and unforgiveness that had consumed his body although his spirit was being renewed. 

My immediate response was, I don’t know if that is true, but I will consider what you say and ask Jesus.  I thanked him and quickly hung up in humility with an open heart.  Ya’ll, I didn’t have any tissue in my office.  I asked Jesus immediately and the holy ghost high jacked me emotionally.  I was crying so hard; snot was dangling from my nose, and I thought my insides were going to burst.  I had to get to the bathroom.  I placed everybody under attest and forbid anyone from being able to come in that bathroom and placed the angels guard at the bathroom door. 

 I told God, I was not going to wrestle with that. I wanted to be free and didn’t believe it had to take years to get it.  I cried that thing out and that demon had to go. I didn’t want anything to come between me and my next husband. I knew I had entered generational warfare and had spoils for several generations that were promised to me in secret and confirmed publicly through prophetic ministry.   I didn’t even realize I felt that way. But God put a word of freedom in the mouth of the one that had placed me in bondage.  It makes me think about the Shunem slave girl that told Naaman to go see the Prophet Elisha. 

Can you receive a word that holds your freedom from the one that placed you in bondage? Or can you give a word to the one that is holding you in a place of bondage to release their freedom?

Let’s go see what the Shunem girl said to lead to the deliverance of her Master.

2 Kings 5

4 And the Syrians had gone out by companies and had brought away captive out of the land of Israel a little maid; and she waited on Naaman's wife.

3 And she said unto her mistress, Would God my lord was with the prophet that is in Samaria! for he would recover from his leprosy.

10 And Elisha sent a messenger unto him, saying, Go and wash in Jordan seven times, and thy flesh shall come again to thee, and thou shalt be clean.

11 But Naaman was wroth, and went away, and said, Behold, I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper.

We must be humble enough in this season to receive our word even if it is in the word of the mouth of our oppressor.  Naaman was not going to get his healing without being able to humble himself and follow instructions even when it didn’t look like it was God. It was humiliating for Naaman to undress and dip seven times in the Jordan river, but he did it.

How will you respond to the one God sends?

God told me to write my memoir.  I released it when he said.  I tried so many times for others to launch it. But God wanted me to wait until he built the platform where it would be launched so that we would receive our inheritance together. Partners in freedom, partners in faith, partners in our dreams, partners in love, and partners in purpose. (S3, E307).

If you are willing to receive the word from those you would least expect and if you are willing to obey the instructions even though it may be completely humiliating:  God wants you to know, he will do it again like he did for Naaman.

Receive your healing and be made whole.

Life's puzzle pieces

Life can feel like a puzzle at times. At times in my life it has felt like the missing pieces to the puzzle would never be found.  I just couldn’t see how the pieces were going to fit together. 

Pieces of my childhood,

Pieces of my broken heart from adultery and divorce;

Pieces of me as a single mother without the support of their fathers;

Pieces of my heart from broken promises of “I do”;

Pieces of my inheritance being stolen;

Pieces that would seemed lost forever…but God is able to put the puzzle together and finish it, so the picture you once saw in your heart will be better than the one that you thought it would be.  The power of his spirit through the prophetic and faith will bring it to pass.

God is putting the missing puzzle pieces of our lives together as we step into our new. As we trust him with everything we love and desire. I asked the Lord to allow me to go on to the next chapter of my life.  I was about to attend a small prophetic gathering and I knew I would be receiving prophetic ministry.  I had three specific questions on my heart that I would consider in that season as missing puzzle pieces.

Just like God always sent a prophet to the Kings in the bible, the prophetic in my life has always provided me with the vision I needed to see the bigger picture.

God wants to show you the big picture, but you must be willing to obey the instructions and honor the prophetic words when they are given to you. In March 2021, the Lord spoke to me at a prophetic gathering. He spoke specifically concerning all 3 areas I asked of him with great clarity and more. Maybe you are holding onto somethings that you should let go of that is holding your release into your next chapter.  Maybe you are not willing to move and be established somewhere else. Can God share with you the next missing pieces to your puzzle without you rejecting it because it is different than what you might want?

It was a matter of weeks that God revealed a new puzzle piece in place after that word was released and something old was permanently removed.  It is nothing short of miraculous, as I watch God put the pieces in place.  He will do the same for you!

The next thing I was told was I would not always live in Illinois because my covenant roots would not be here and they would be deep this time. I wanted to know when the time came for me to marry would I live in Illinois.  God knew I was ready for the details.  And then I was told I was going to enter a new season of visitations and encounters with the Lord and God was making all things new in my life. Get ready.  He is going to do the same for you!

God's perspective: Life's playground

I wrote this poem on June 24, 2004 in the midst of a three year consecration and separation from from my late ex-husband. I was on my lunch break and went to eat alone at the park across the street from my job. I skipped lunch with my best friend that day, Sophia Williams. After lunch, I immediately wrote this poem. It’s time to come in from the playground…. God was letting me know how he sees us at times.

Jonnie and Susie are still in the air on their swings,

 Caught in between their childhood and the decisions of adult things,

 Who forgot to go get them?

Leslie and Timmy are on the seesaw,

 No one told them, if you steal that they would be breaking the law,

The law of gravity, because what goes up must come down,

Please tell them its time to leave the playground.

Samaria and Michael are playing in the sand,

Crying because the wind blew and the castle they built won’t stand,

But who forgot to tell them, you can’t build a house on the sand,

But who forgot to tell them, you need a strong foundation to understand,

That the sun doesn’t always shine and there will be rainy days,

Go tell them to come in from the playground, that childhood is only a phase.

Kimberly climbed up the slide and now is afraid to come down,

Who forgot to tell her, you don’t do drugs and get high,

Go tell her someone told her a lie,

 Because she’s afraid if she comes down, she’ll have to face the issues on the ground.

Vincent and Amber were hanging from the monkey bars and were afraid to go across,

But who forgot to tell them, if they try and fall that they can recover from the loss.

No one wanted to go first and be the boss,

Where are the leaders?

The interceders,

Please, tell them we need them to leave the playground now.

Todd found a beautiful toy in the park, jut after dark, that had been left all alone

 And Mark came by the way and claimed it as his own,

 Who forgot to tell them, they’re not children anymore----they are grown.

 And that Pamela’s not a toy, she’s real and that was not the deal,

 It was till death do them part.

 Please tell the girls to be responsible for themselves and not become toys,

 Because girls become women and men sometimes become boys,

Don’t forgot to take care of your things,

 And children, please, get off those swings,

 And the seasaw that takes you up and down,

 Please, come down from the slide, and face the issues that make you hide, stop playing on the merry go round,

 Please, please somebody tell the children to come in from the playground.

Present yourself

 I remember a day when God told Elijah that it was time to present himself to Ahab.  He was in hiding for 3 years.  God will keep you hidden for a season to protect you and even to prepare you for your season that is to come.  However, you must know when it is time to come out of that season.  Sometimes, it’s not with a grand entrance or something big that you think you have to do, sometimes to just presenting yourself is a big deal.  There are times we try to figure everything out.  Let’s see how God sets the stage for Elijah’s appearance and without it, the rain would not have come.

1 Kings 18:1 And it came to pass after many days that the word of the Lord came to Elijah, in the third year, saying, “Go, present yourself to Ahab, and I will send rain on the earth.”

God was ready to move.  What is God ready to do in your life and situation that is requiring for you to present yourself like Elijah?  What and who is depending on you to present yourself and without it so many things will not happen.  The entire nation was suffering and in a famine because Elijah the prophet shut up the heavens for three complete years to get the attention of King Ahab.  Your influence can make or break a nation, a community, a family.  God is requiring that you present yourself.

The word says, in Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.  You may be saying to yourself, I don’t know what to do or where to even start to get back in my position.  This is where you start and God will begin to move as you get into position. 

What did Elijah do in preparation for the rain?  He grided his loins.  That may mean coming out of sexual sin to abstain from sex. He had King Ahab gather the prophets.  He was setting the stage to allow God to demonstrate his power.  You will be doing the same thing like Elijah.  It doesn’t matter if no one responds back or it appears as nothing is working. God is going to release his supernatural provision as you sacrifice and pour out what you need the most in this season.  Elijah needed water but he sacrificed the water and poured it out on the alter and God consumed it.  What are you willing to give that in the eyes of others would seem like a waste but God will accept it as a sacrifice and give you more. 

You must know when it is time for you to start running.  And why was it important for Elijah to outrun the Chariots of Ahab.  And how was Elijah able to outrun his horses in the natural?

Present yourself back to God.  How does this look in everyday life?  Get up and get dressed each day.  Get up and go to work on time each day.  Come home after work and be emotionally present for your wife and kids. Finish your assignments on time and go to school.  He will send the rain that you need for everything else in your life to begin to grow and flourish again but God is requiring that you—-

Present yourself.

It wasn't a Threesome

It was intimate and it was done in the secret place. It was no longer about the three of us. It wasn't about if he said yes or not. He required me to be face down and on my knees.  I was finally positioned. It was just between God and me. It wasn’t a threesome, although God wanted us to do it together. He wanted a yes. I had finally come into a place of complete surrender. I was ready to conceive the dream of God.

God has prophetic dreams for you and your generations. He had chosen to impregnate mine in the lining of my marriage. It was fertile ground. It was the place where he would do his greatest work. He had already planted the seeds- "you are a key factor in breaking this spirit of death and this false religion and when you get this place in me you will be a major voice, whole families will come out of your loins, it is not an accident the family you were born into and you are going to bring them life because I am life".

It was time to push. He allowed only enough pressure that I wouldn't die, although at times, I felt like I would.

God is not trying to kill you but he is trying to get you out the way. He is trying to create an image on the inside of you of him. He is trying to get you to respond the way he would respond. I could no longer say what I wanted to say and do what I wanted to do. I was carrying something big. I was giving birth to the dream of God.  I was giving birth to the word like Mary. The word was becoming flesh is my life. 

The scriptures say in Psalms 126 When the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream.

My marriage was completely falling apart and yet God was requiring me to honor him and stay postured before him in intercession regardless of what I could see naturally.  It was the most difficult time of my life. I was watching what I wanted the most die and yet God was causing me to dream for better in this place of captivity for my family and my generations to come.   

I was pushing pass pain, rejection, pushing pass sorrow, fear, abuse, and pass destruction.  I wanted everything God had for me and my generations. Watching the enemy destroy marriages, steal souls through deception and destroy the wealth that God had given my family, broke my heart and brought me to my knees.

You may not know what it will look like nor all that you are giving birth too. You might be carrying your children, a marriage, your generations, and a nation. Sometimes you may feel it is not moving or that it is dead.  God is doing a work in you that though it be told you would not believe. Seek him for wisdom and a greater understanding. God wants to draw you closer so you can come into a greater level of intimacy with him.  It is in this place where you will conceive and give birth to his prophetic dreams. Ask him today what is his desire for you and your generations? Allow him to turn your captivity so you can be one that dreams again!!!

Proverbs 24:3

3 Through wisdom is a house built; and by understanding it is established:

Psalm 126

126 When the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream.

2 Chronicles 20:20

20 And they rose early in the morning, and went forth into the wilderness of Tekoa: and as they went forth, Jehoshaphat stood and said, Hear me, O Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem; Believe in the Lord your God, so shall ye be established; believe his prophets, so shall ye prosper.

The giant drop

Facing your fears in life can be one of the hardest things you have to overcome.  There we were standing by this large crowd of people.  Excitement was everywhere in the air, children were laughing and people were hurrying to get a place in the line.  My sixteen year son, Jeremy, at that time, turned to me, placed his hands on both my shoulders and said, “I’ll be back. I’m going to face my fears!” He went to get on the giant drop.  For me that was a defining moment as his mother. I could see him way down the road in life.  I was grateful because I had overcome mine and I believed because I had faced mine, he would also be able to face his. No matter what life might bring his way. 

I was depending on you.  It was at a time when it was one the most vulnerable times of my life.  God had just opened my heart and began to do open heart surgery on me from my childhood. I needed you to carry me to the Father.  My mother wasn’t there like yours was.  I already had one and I was carrying another and you started pulling away. It felt like the I was suspended in the air. I was about to be dropped at any moment.

Perhaps you were suddenly dropped by your spouse, dropped by your parents at birth and placed for adoption; dropped by your job of twenty years; just dropped. I was terrified because I didn’t know how I was going to land. I didn’t want my babies to be hurt too.  Wait.

Wait, until I can get myself together so that we both won’t fall.  I had set my hopes so HIGH and I was looking down and could see that this would be a matter of life or death.

 I was looking for someone, anyone that might understand. I remembered Mephibosheth.     2 Sam 4:4 and Jonathan, Saul's son, had a son that was lame of his feet. He was five years old when the tidings came of Saul and Jonathan out of Jezreel, and his nurse took him up, and fled: and it came to pass, as she made haste to flee, that he fell, and became lame. And his name was Mephibosheth.

Perhaps while trying to avoid trouble in your life, you ended up getting more damaged in the process.  Maybe you were falsely accused of some things, lied on and it left you financially crippled. Maybe when you rose up to go in the right direction things seemed to get worse.  No matter what has left you crippled and lamed in your life mentally, spiritually, financially or even physically; there is hope that God has not forgotten you.  He knows exactly where you are in life.

Let’s ring Mephibospheth’s doorbell 2 Sam 4:9.

9 And David said, Is there yet any that is left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan's sake? 6 Now when Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, was come unto David, he fell on his face, and did reverence. And David said, Mephibosheth. And he answered, Behold thy servant!

7 And David said unto him, Fear not: for I will surely show thee kindness for Jonathan thy father's sake, and will restore thee all the land of Saul thy father; and thou shalt eat bread at my table continually.

No matter where you are right now in your life, God is going to bring you safely to your expected end.  He is going to cause you to run and not be weary and walk and not faint. He has not forgotten you.  He knows where you live and he knows how to restore to you generational blessings just like he did for Mephibosheth. Get ready Mephibosheth, David is on the way!

Step up to the plate!

Because you decided to step up to the plate were the words that fell on me like dew from the mouth of C. Peters Wagner’s head intercessor in 2000. This was not just a prophetic word it was an encounter with God.  We were at a deliverance conference and we were on break.  The hospitality suite was packed. I was in a corner with my back turned and talking. I felt a tap on my shoulder and a holy hush came over our table, only. He said, I was in prayer downstairs and the Lord told me to come up here and to minister to someone. He said I had no idea who it was. Talking about being on the radar of heaven!!!

 He knows exactly where you are!!!

 He went on to tell me that he had to pray for me. He told me that God said many of his people do not experience worship with him on the level that I do.  He said God was going to give me a platform and a voice to be heard because I decided to step up to the plate and he was going to put me back where I should have been.  He went on to share much more but my point is this: God promised to give me a platform and a voice to be heard.

I want to encourage you today, if the enemy is trying to make you believe that God has forgotten you; it is not true.  The word says, in Isaiah 49:13 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.  He could never forget us. Sometimes we think we are waiting on him but the Father wants us to know that he is waiting for us—to step up to the plate.

Stepping up to plate means you are ready to take on a challenge or a responsibility. Our assignments come with great responsibility.  He is preparing us to run our own race.  Maybe you are saying these things to yourself.  I feel like I don’t know anyone.  I was not born into a wealthy family.  I don’t have a college education.  The bible calls the apostles were unlearned men. They turned the world upside down with the power of God.  Get in the secret place and humble yourself.

Step up to the plate like Moses did to Pharaoh and let God go before you.

Step up to the plate like David did with Goliath.

Step up to the plate like Deborah did.

Step up to the plate like Esther did.

 You are NOT waiting on God.  He is waiting on you.  God has been waiting for all eternity for this moment.  It is time for you to step up to the plate.  His grace will bring you in safely.

 Batters up! Heaven is calling your name…….

Walk it out

“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”

So many times we hear so much discussed about Abraham and his willingness and obedience to sacrifice Isaac.  But I want to flip the script and highlight it from Isaac’s perspective as a young child and bring it home.

Isaac recognizes that they are going to make a sacrifice and worship God.  This is not foreign to him being Abraham’s son and the culture he was groomed in. Maybe your parents have made decisions that you have grown up with that you learned to recognize as just apart of your culture and normal.  But what happens when you suddenly feel like you are the sacrifice.

But you didn’t understand them, and you felt like they even compromised you in some capacity.  It takes God to step in and tell Abraham to not do what he told him to do. 

As a young child, children do not have the full understanding of the decisions parents have to make.  Whether it’s to decide on joint custody, to transfer you from the school you grew up in, to move to another state or give you to an uncle who can support you better as a male child.  There will be decisions that are made by parents that don’t seem right to you as Isaac. 

I recently read a story of a young lady that lost her father as a young girl.  Her father left a very nice inheritance and enough to get her through college, grad school and a little more to start her life with a financial advantage.  Her mother remarried and the stepfather now is demanding she split it with both his children for them all to have the same advantage.  To me this is simply unfair. To me this is as unfair as it was for Abraham to require him to carry that wood and tie his son to it, preparing him to be the burnt sacrifice that God told him to do. But God also stopped him from doing it as well.  Sometimes as parents we can demand and make decisions that at that time, we feel are right but later come to understand there is a better way to do things.

Maybe you are facing a situation like this young lady.  You are being asked to do something that doesn’t feel right. Isaac dared to question what was going on but obeyed his father and continued to walk and laid down long enough to be bound with the wood. 

My question to you is will you trust the God of your father? I’m sure Isaac saw God in a different way after he stopped his father from killing him.

There are times your assignment to an Abraham will make you feel like you are the sacrifice and yet just like God was measuring Abraham’s obedience, Isaac was just as much a part of this sacrifice as Abraham was to God. There maybe those around you that are called to support your vision but are questioning where is the lamb for the burnt offering?

Maybe you need to move, maybe you need to go out of your way to carry some of Abraham’s load, maybe you need to lay down your life for a season for Abraham to fulfill his sacrifice to God.

One thing you need to know is you are not the burnt offering.  You have just been called to make a sacrifice along side of Abraham as a joint heir and that you might also know that God is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. 

For all the Isaac’s that are called to walk with Abraham…..keep walking it out….God is going to provide.

1.    8 Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.

2.    9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”

3.    “Here I am,” he replied.

4.    12 “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”

5.    13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram[a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”

You are not a mistake!

I wrote this poem and want to dedicate it to every man and woman that was ever a result of an unplanned pregnancy.  Whether you were the child, the man or the woman that is facing an unplanned pregnancy.  God wants you to know that you were not a mistake and nor is the child that has been created from an unplanned pregnancy. From my heart to yours…….

I am the child that has been called a mistake,

One that was born out a torn and broken relationship.

One that was birthed but aborted from the cares of life,

That ripped at her heart because of her struggle to be a mother and not yet a wife,

One that was conceived out of rape or molestation.

A child labeled a mistake-nurtured by the hand of devastation.

But then he came to restore and to heal,

Then to reveal,

That he too knew what it was like to be conceived

Out of mistrust and disbelief,

Born by the virgin Mary

A man forsaken and stricken with grief,

That we might understand

His love and perfect plan, that before he created the earth,

He also knew the day of your birth,

Before the stars had been sprinkled into the sky,

Before the planets were hung and set into space,

Before the waters covered the deep,

 Before your father and mother came face to face,

You were conceived in his mind,

And delivered at the right time,

NOT A MISTAKE

But a daybreak

With every member of your body recorded in his book

Before they were formed

With every hair numbered on your head,

For he even knew the way you would look,

And yet to say you are a mistake

Is to imply that God was confused.

For when he made you, he made you in his image

To be valued and NOT ABUSED!!!!

May the love of God invade your life as you press pass every obstacle that would make you question your existence. May your heart be turned to the one that created you.

Psalms 139

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

Getting through the POOP!

Many years ago, I watched Shawshank Redemption and although this was not a true story, it is much we can learn from it. As I reflect on my life at this time, I am drawn to the fact that Andy used a small rock hammer to dig his way out of jail after serving 19 years for a crime he didn’t commit. But it didn’t stop there!

Life is not always fair but if we take what we have been given and use it, we can make it out was my biggest take away.  Even after breaking thorough the wall day by day, he then had to crawl through 500 yards of poop! Andy had to get up every day and repeat the same routine and he had to keep digging when he may have felt like he would never get out.

Maybe, you have gotten into a situation that placed you in debt. Maybe, you had to file bankruptcy because your business partner mismanaged the business. Maybe, your son or daughter has had to move back in after investing so much for them to succeed and it feels like it was in vain. Maybe others before you made bad decisions and left you with nothing and you are starting over from the bottom.  Maybe, you feel like what you are doing everyday is in vain and you will never get to your desired place of freedom. Let’s learn one more lesson from Andy, now after 19 years, he comes out of the tunnel to 500 yards of poop!

Get through the POOP!

Maybe you feel like you are in a bunch of POOP!

King David was already the next proclaimed King, but he was hiding in caves, ducking and dodging javelins, and 3000 highly trained soldiers to kill him.  That’s some POOP! Be encouraged today and know that God is with you no matter what the situation you find yourself facing or crawling through.  There is hope on the other side. Keep digging yourself out with the small rock hammer God has placed in your hand. That might be paying off your credit card debt, or your student loan debts. Be faithful over the little God has given you and watch God bring you out.

I remember, I was just recovering from a bad financial situation after my divorce.  I was in a building phase, and I knew I wanted to buy a property.  I had a Saturn Vue in 2007. This SUV was a problem.  The worse decision ever.  It wasn’t my fault.  The SUV’s were built with faulty transmissions. GMC dropped them and then filed bankruptcy on the brink of days before we were to file for our redemption.

I began to research and read story after story of others being killed, quadriplegics from car accidents and the horror stories went on and on.  It was heartbreaking.  It was us getting through the poop! I was almost killed but was able to get over to the side of the road before my transmission suddenly and abruptly went out.  I was dead in the middle of the road with an 18-wheeler behind me.

As quoted by the Lakin Law Firm, “We believe GM knew the Vti transmissions in the 2002 to 2004 Saturn Vue and Ion were inherently defective and likely to fail. Our investigation reveals that GM was aware of defects before the vehicle line was released, and they even delayed the initial product launch as a result, but apparently they chose not to fix the problems.”

We were getting through the Poop!

None of us received a dime. I also still owed a car note.  I decided to have them come and get the SUV after my third transmission breakdown and replacement.  However, I also knew if I did, it would mess my credit up and I wouldn’t have the ability to buy a property.  I decided to once again, keep digging.  I called the company and offered them half which was about 5000 and they marked it as paid in full.  The finance company understood that I had been given a raw deal. 

I crawled through the poop and turned my whole tax return over without having a car and saved my credit because I knew it was going to affect me more down the road when I was ready to buy my property. 

I remember getting ready to finance for a property and a fiancé loan officer said of 27 years, he had never seen anyone get that favor.  In this season, face your fears, be willing to start over and get back up and get through the Poop! There is freedom on the other side.

Remember me

Sometimes we do things that we know we should not do without counting the cost of our actions.  I know I have.  In 2016, I left the Lord in several ways.  I am still digging myself out of holes six years later of the decisions I made.  Yes, God forgave me but there are consequences to our sin.  God wants you to also know he has forgiven you.  I found myself like Peter.  I never ever thought I would do what I did but I did. Jesus told Peter he would betray him three times and Peter denied it, but the Lord knew him better than he knew himself.

Maybe the cares of this life brought you to a place of compromise and you did somethings you never thought you would.  Many people took money from funds that they should not have during this pandemic.  Some worked and took unemployment benefits.  Some participated in the looting in the city. Desperation made people do things in this last season just to survive.  Peter found himself suddenly shifted into survival mode and he did just what Jesus told him he would. 

Nothing you have ever done has surprised Jesus.  This last season was to show you what was inside of you, the good, bad and the ugly.  But Jesus told Peter in

Luke 22:32 “But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.  And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

God wants you to know he has prayed for you like he did for Peter. For some, you have been in a season of restoration.  You found yourself like Samson that thought, I’ll just shake myself like I did before but in this last season, you felt like God left you.  God wants you to know just like he allowed Samson’s hair to grow back and his strength returned that he is restoring you. He wants you to know he is with you.   Forgive yourself just like Peter and Samson had to do.  Just like I had to do. You may be saying like Samson did, Lord remember me and avenge me for my two eyes. Samson caused his own suffering.  He kept playing with the enemies, he was called to destroy.  But God, in his great love, grace and mercy forgave Samson.  He answered Samson’s prayer and he allowed him to destroy more Philistines in his death than he did in his life.  God is going to allow you to do more damage to the enemies’ kingdom than you ever would have now because you were wounded. He is about to avenge you.

And for some, you are now ready and are being commissioned to turn around and to begin to share your testimony and strengthen your brothers and sisters. God is opening opportunities.  Its time to release that book.  It’s time to do the things you have wanted to do for a long time, but you weren’t ready. God loves you and because you have repented and turned back, he is holding nothing against you. God says, you are ready now because he heard you when you asked him to remember you.

Forgotten but not forsaken

My children’s father was a Vietnam veteran. He was a man that never shared much about this time in his life but he shared this one time. He entered Vietnam barely a month after his 18th birthday. On his first day off the plane, he was falsely accused of killing a man. He was one of two black men on the island, and he was immediately identified as the killer. He was abruptly thrown into solitary confinement for 30 days without a single detail of the incident. As if the trauma of having been drafted was not enough, now he is on an island surrounded by no one that knows him and left completely alone and falsely accused.

I’m reminded of the story of Joseph as I write to encourage you and connect both stories. For those that don’t know. Joseph was falsely accused and thrown into prison. In Gen 40:1-23. Sometime later, the cupbearer and baker are thrown into prison as well. They both have a dream, the same night. Joseph has enough wisdom and insight to seek God to get an interpretation. He asked the cupbearer once he was restored to remember him. However, the scripture says, he forgot him.

Then almost two years later, their master has a dream, and the cupbearer remembers he interpreted his dream, and he is brought out of the prison.

Their dad told me that the other black guy came to confess and tell him secretly about what happened. The guy tells him that he bit the man. Their dad had enough wisdom to request to see the Priest. He was able to tell the Priest that detail and ask them to take forensic dental evidence on the deceased and take his teeth imprints to prove his innocence.

He was set free and so was Joseph. The same God that delivered Joseph and delivered their dad is going to deliver you. God had a greater plan for them both and he has one for you. In the face of injustice and wrongfully being accused with almost no hope of proving their innocence, at God’s appointed time, they were released.

Your release is coming! Maybe you aren’t physically incarcerated but financially or even emotionally. You may have been forgotten but not forsaken. It wasn’t your fault. God saw it all. Seek him for the wisdom you need to be released and watch God do what only he can do!

Don't be an Oprah

Ruth 2

And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And she said unto her, Go, my daughter.

3 And she went, and came, and gleaned in the field after the reapers: and her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech.

My prayer for the body of Christ, is that we would be found faithful sowing in the field of life and hearts and souls of men and women we are called too, even if it may appear there in no reward. Also, that we might understand our last season was to lead us into our field of harvest and increase. Lord don't let us turn back like Oprah and miss our appointed field, because the circumstances that led us there were contrary to how we thought the story would end. The kingdom of God is not like the world. The world says if you bless me, I'll bless you. Christ kingdom principles are if you sow where God says sow, you will reap where you have not sown.

Don’t be an Oprah, be a Ruth and sow where God leads you. God will repay you in ways that are bigger than you have ever thought of or even imagined.

10 Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?

11 And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother- in -law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore.

12 The Lord recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.

Here we see Boaz as a type of Christ and the reapers as the angels. Jesus is taking knowledge as Boaz did of us and releasing his angels in this season to leave some things for us on purpose.

We will receive a full reward from the Lord God of Israel.

Think Different

We live in a society where so many want to fit in and can’t handle the pressure of standing out because of their difference. It is your difference that will make you stand out. So do you really want to be a social influencer and if you do, you will have to have a different spirit and be okay with your difference. You won’t be like them. Everyone will not speak well of you.

Being different will make you think differently.

You will find beauty in coloring outside the lines and answers that are outside of the box. You will be willing to go left when everybody else thinks you should go right; and you will be okay with the risk.

You will have to stop being so common with yourself that you forget how uncommon you are.  So many are guilty of thinking that they are just like everyone else, that they become blinded to their own difference. 

 I remember when I was given the number to the Law Project organization.  They are a group of attorneys in Chicago that put non- for- profit organizations together pro bono.  However, you get all of 5 to 10 minutes to tell them on the phone about your project. You have to share what makes your organization different from another organization that may be similar.  I had a blueprint in my spirit for Ruth’s vineyard. They told me I had to research and find similar organizations that were like mine. I found one almost identical to the blueprint God had put in my spirit.  I kept asking myself what is different than what I wanted. 

It was so incredibly close to me and extremely loud, but I was missing it for a few days.  Then I heard God say, you want to do all those things for those single moms but you want to do it so they won’t consider abortion. 

My motive and mission are to save the babies from abortion by providing the resources often needed to take care of their babies. They excepted my organization and created my organization for me and gave me one of the best law firms for 3 years named Stratton & Associates.  My difference will make a difference. 

Your difference will make a difference.

In the bible when it was time to bring the children of Israel into their promised land, they saw the land they wanted.  You may see the vision God has given you.  You are incredibly close.  But they also saw the giants in the land.  Your enemies, the ones in your soul, the ones around you and the ones that aren’t may be extremely loud to you.  They saw themselves as grasshoppers and the word says and so did the people. 

How you see yourself, will be the way others see you as well.  God is trying to heal your self-image of you. God wants to build you from the inside out so that the things around you don’t appear bigger than the God that is inside you.  You are asking God for increase.  God is enlarging you first on the inside before it manifests on the outside. 

You must think different.

Joshua and Caleb, the bible says in Numbers 14:24 But as for My servant Caleb, because he has had a different spirit and has followed Me fully, I will bring him into the land which he entered, and his descendants shall take possession of it.

If we want what God has promised you , you must think different.  We must have a different spirit. Allow God to give you a different spirit and don’t be afraid when others don’t think the way you do.

Start over

Starting over is not easy. In the midst of COVID, the world will never be the same as we knew it. It doesn’t matter if you have to go back to school to advance your career. That means your skill set has to be upgraded. That means you may have to invest in yourself and start over with a new business to advance and establish yourself again. You and your spouse may have lost that much anticipated baby again to a miscarriage and are going thru IVF treatments. Don’t be afraid to start over.

God will give you grace to come to your expected end. He told us in Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

He has come to give us hope for our future. He wants you to dream again. To trust him again. To start over again. I am reminded of how Peter had toiled all night and didn’t catch any fish but Jesus told him to launch back out into the deep. Luke 5:4. Peter responded at his word and obeyed. He could have moved in fear and didn’t want to start over. But he didn’t.

Start over.

God is with you. He will give you your expected harvest. It doesn’t matter that you got rejected for that last home you tried to purchase. It doesn’t matter if you worked for that company all those years and was let go and now you have to start over at a new job. Start over. I remember in 2008, God began to tell me to go back to school to get my Masters degree. It took me 2 years to obey. I didn’t want to start over but my career was pivoting. I am so grateful to this day, I obeyed.

Another time, I had to start over was to be a mother again. I always wanted a daughter but gave up on the idea at 35 years old and was no longer married. I absolutely didn’t want to start over. During a season in my life of great turmoil, I left the Lord. I became pregnant and got pregnant with my daughter. I didn’t know if I was going to have a girl. All I knew was how hard it was being a single mother. How he didn’t help me raise our other son. I thought about all the things I struggled with the boys growing up and how would I manage now I was older. I thought about all the years I labored in prayer and how much I wanted to help other mothers so that they would never abort their children. I knew I had to start over. I am so grateful, I trusted God for the grace to start over.

Get ready, Grace is coming upon you now, God is going to give you the grace to start over.

No matter, what you are facing, God’s grace is sufficient.

Suicide is NOT the answer

I remember a day I believed the lie that there was nothing special about me. Maybe you feel the same way or know someone that does. As a young girl I would often think I was no different than other light skinned, long brown-haired girls. Ignorantly not understanding that my uniqueness would never be truly reflected from the outside and neither will yours. My golden “13” birthday was fast approaching and there was an urgency to end my life on the day I was born. Why on the day I was born? To me, it made sense because I felt like I was a mistake. I felt like I was not valued because I was born in a family like many at a time that was in trouble.

But what about the ones that seem to have it all? Why would they feel suicidal? Suicide is a spirit from the enemy. God is the giver of life. A lot of times people that commit suicide struggle with comparing themselves to others and the impact that they have in the world. Often, minimizing their own value to those around them and most importantly to God.

Here we are mourning the suicide death of the Cheslie Kryst, who was 30 years old. To the world she was also a beautiful light skinned, long haired girl that grew up to be accomplished enough to be crowned Miss America in 2019. She also had many other amazing accomplishments that brought her value besides her beauty. She was unique and different but somewhere on the inside, she didn’t have that same value and love for herself to overcome the spirit of suicide.

God loved her and he loves you. Sometimes we seek to get validation and love from others and things and until we find it in God because he is love, and without that deep connection to him for us, we will always be left feeling void. For me, I wanted my husband’s approval and love, and I didn’t love me because I didn’t have it. Although, his rejection became an echo in my soul that started screaming to me from a familiar voice from my childhood long before I heard his voice, you are a mistake.

We must deal with the traumas of our childhood because they will affect our perspectives on life.

God loves you. He told us he knew us before he formed us in our mother’s womb. Jeremiah 1:5. God wants to reveal to you the love you and him shared in eternity. No one or anything else can give us the acceptance and approval of our father God that created us.

Jesus loved us so much that he didn’t want to enjoy heaven without us. Yes, God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes on him shall not perish but have everlasting life. But, it was also a decision that Jesus made to lay down his own life. He knows what it is like to die to prove how much he loved us. The word says that there is no greater love than this.

I escaped suicide at 13 but then the spirit of suicide came back after me with a vengeance at 30 years old. I was trying desperately to show my late ex-husband how much I loved him. It was like he was blind. I remember after I got passed the bitterness and hatred, because of his rejection, I told the Lord, I didn’t want to live without him. I remember asking him one day, did he love me. He turned around and asked me, did I love myself.

Suicide is self-hatred. I remember falling to my knees as he walked out the door to start his day, and I told God, I did not love myself, but I would allow him to love me. The word says, we love him because he first loved us. I was able to love myself and I overcame the spirit of suicide because I found out how much God loved me.

Suicide is NOT the answer……Jesus IS…...God wants to reveal his love to you. Don’t give up on you.

Tell me "Why"

Growing up my mother used to read a book to my siblings and me called, Tell me Why. It was a good book. It was a book that explained so many reasons “why” and it helped me connect the dots to what was needed and created in the world.

Often, we wrestle with our why. Why me, why them, why now, why then, why this. Why means the cause, purpose or reason according to its definition.

I remember growing up and in my early walk with the Lord and many years later struggling with why me. Why was I given these prophesies about being raised up in my family for salvation and deliverance? I reasoned within myself that I didn’t even know them or feel connected, and I didn’t understand how I would accomplish this assignment.

Maybe God has given you an assignment, but you are still wrestling with your “why”. You may know “what” it is but you don’t have the understanding of “why”.

The Proverbs 24:3-4
New King James Version

Through wisdom a house is built,

And by understanding it is established.

By knowledge the rooms are filled

With all precious and pleasant riches.

God wants to establish you and one of the ways he does as he is building you, is by giving you understanding.

Receive a greater level of understanding.

Understanding is your answer to your, “why”.

My bloodline issues were great, which caused my battles to be great. This is one of the reasons I share my history right now as God is building my platform. I used to be so ashamed of my name and even to tell people my last name when asked. In my heart and life, in my own struggles during those seasons, I was connected to the negative connotations that were produced.

In my journey of maturing and growing I realized it was all a part of who I was and what I had to come through to demonstrate the power of the cross in my life.

Now, I stand and share from a place of restoration and deliverance without shame with the negatives that were once produced in me and my bloodline. I share my history as a part of my “why” to share of the power of Christ to redeem me from those places of defeat as I’ve entered into Christ victories.

So yes, I am a Muhammad but I am a child of the most high God in Christ. No longer a slave to my history but a daughter, justified by Christ blood to partake of my inheritance in him.

It was in my battles and more importantly my victories I overcame that God revealed my “why”. God has trusted you just like he did Peter. God knows why he called you and if you continue to seek him in the midst of your pain he is going to reveal your, “why”.

Don’t give up, God wants to TELL YOU WHY.