All is well

I rushed frantically into the emergency room, holding my limp 2-year-old in my arms.  The lady at the desk tells me to fill out the small sheet on the desk, so I did and to have a seat.  Surely, I’m thinking they will call him soon.  The lady at the desk casually gets up to get her a bag of chips as if nothing else is important.  While my toddlers’ lips are turning more blue by the second.  Suddenly, he lets out this loud gasp for air.  Immediately, I run up to the desk, now disturbing her chip break to demand that he be seen.

 My baby is not breathing well as I explained.  He was rushed back into the emergency room. I heard a loud announcement over the intercom system:  CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE.  I watched the curtains be pulled.

That’s right…Jeremy had gone into cardiac arrest, while I was patiently waiting for the tech to call me while she ate her chips.   This really happened but in the face of adversity at twenty-two years old; I was able to say, all is well.

God promised us that his peace would guard our hearts beyond our understanding. I remained calm.  No tears.  No anxiety attacks.  I was just looking for answers and praying for Gods best.  God did not fail me and he will never fail you either.

The bible says if we faint in the day of adversity, then our strength is small.  I knew he would be alright.  He had lost oxygen to his brain and laid in intensive care for 5 days before being stabilized but I still was able to say, all is well.  This reminds me of the Shunamite woman whose son died, that was able to say, all is well.  God wants us to be able in the face of death, to still be able to say, all is well.   

Some may never have a testimony like this but even on the brink of your diagnosis, God wants you to come to him and trust him so you also can say, all is well.  Whether you are facing foreclosure, the loss of your job, death of a child unexpectedly or the loss of a spouse.  God is able to bring you out of that place of grief and loss and allow you to have a testimony of: all is well. The prophet Elijah raised her son from the dead but she had to bring him to him. Have you brought that dead thing to God to be resurrected?

This is what she did to ensure that nothing and no one would interfere with what she needed from God.  She kept her mouth closed.  Are you in a situation that you need God to move miraculously?  She knew where to get the help she needed. She didn’t even stop to tell his father when he asked her was everything ok.

Do you run to your spouse or others for things you should be running to God to in prayer? God wants us to depend on him and trust him no matter how bad our situation is and know that he is in control aa our testimony can also be, all is well.

2 Kings 4:22 Then she called to her husband and said, “Send me one of the servants and one of the donkeys, that I may quickly go to the man of God and come back again.” 23 And he said, “Why will you go to him today? It is neither new moon nor Sabbath.” She said, “All is well.” 24 Then she saddled the donkey, and she said to her servant, “Urge the animal on; do not slacken the pace for me unless I tell you.” 25 So she set out and came to the man of God at Mount Carmel.

When the man of God saw her coming, he said to Gehazi his servant, “Look, there is the Shunammite. 26 Run at once to meet her and say to her, ‘Is all well with you? Is all well with your husband? Is all well with the child?’” And she answered, “All is well.” 27 And when she came to the mountain to the man of God, she caught hold of his feet. And Gehazi came to push her away. But the man of God said, “Leave her alone, for she is in bitter distress, and the Lord has hidden it from me and has not told me.

Negatives

There we were framed in a moment of time. We were mounted by a prophetic promise and vow that was holding it all in place. The nails that it hung on, were the same ones that held Jesus to the Cross-love. It began to lean to the side and the picture was now suspended in air. I didn't know if the love was strong enough to keep us in place. The image was no longer clear. I couldn't see him anymore in the picture with the kids and me. I thought mine would be different from all the other marriages that ended up destroyed and torn by adultery. The picture was ripped.

I was suddenly thrown in a dark room.

But in my spirit I had negatives that needed to be developed. I could see us together; we were called to the multitudes. My tears became the solution that allowed me to see the images that were still hid to the naked eye. I was interceding in the dark and even when it didn’t looked like anything; I still kept praying.

1 Corinthians 7:1616 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

When I wanted to stop praying, I couldn't. I was compelled. I was driven to this dark place where only God could help me see what no one else could. He was sharing his eternal secrets and causing the passions of Christ to be developed from the negatives in me.

Deuteronomy 29:29 The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.

It was in this place, that I would discover the beauty of who he had created me to be. Why did I have to go through this? Why me? I was torn, split and I desperately wanted to quit. I didn't even know why I still wanted to be married anymore. But other things began to appear in the negatives as I kept weeping. The solution for the images was producing a clearer picture. It was no longer about what he was or wasn't doing, if he loved me or not, how angry and bitter I had become. I had finally gotten passed me, passed us. I began to see my great-grandmother, Clara Muhammad. I was close enough now to the negatives, that I could hear her cries and her cries became mine.

Get God's attention

I love King David.  The word says he was a man after God’s heart.  Did he make mistakes?  Of course, BIG ones. He was charged with committing murder and adultery but he was still God’s man and his baby died.  He still paid a price for his sins. He numbered the people because he wanted to know how many were following him and thousands died because of it.  However, David knew it was better to fall into the hands of God than man.  He had big problems with his kids like some of us must deal with.  Nevertheless, he was the King, and he knew how to get God’s attention.   

He knew how to fall on his face and seek the heart of God for his life and get the strategies he needed for his battles.  David was a man of war, so much so that his son Solomon never had to fight one battle. Get God’s attention for the strategy for your situation.

One of my favorite exploits of David’s was when he inquired of the Lord and asked, Shall I go up at Ziklag?  In this moment his own men were ready to kill him. He encouraged himself and went to get God’s attention. There will be times you will feel alone because others won’t have the faith to do what you have to do. They don’t have the strength to fight.  They won’t even seek God for the strategy.  But God told him to pursue, overtake and recover all. He headed out without any real sense of direction.  But God ordered his steps.

It is time for many of us to encourage ourselves, get God’s attention and go up, so we can recover all like King David did! 

1Samuel 30

21 And David came to the two hundred men, which were so faint that they could not follow David, whom they had made also to abide at the brook Besor: and they went forth to meet David, and to meet the people that were with him: and when David came near to the people, he saluted them.

22 Then answered all the wicked men and men of Belial, of those that went with David, and said, because they went not with us, we will not give them ought of the spoil that we have recovered, save to every man his wife and his children, that they may lead them away, and depart.

23 Then said David, Ye shall not do so, my brethren, with that which the Lord hath given us, who hath preserved us, and delivered the company that came against us into our hand.

24 For who will hearken unto you in this matter? but as his part is that goeth down to the battle, so shall his part be that tarrieth by the stuff: they shall part alike.

Don’t be mad at those that didn’t help you fight and the ones that didn’t support you. Everyone can’t go with you but make sure your heart is right when you return with the spoils. God is a righteous judge. This is another reflection of the heart of God and why God calls David a man after his own heart. Get Gods attention and allow him to deliver you so you can recover all he has for you and yours in this season!

Tomorrow about this time

You have received prophesies and are believing God to fulfill them in this season. Yet you have people around you just like Elisha’s servant did that have challenged you what God showed you is impossible. Yet, you know you have heard from God like Elisha did.

Elisha was not moved.

 Neither should you be. 

Don’t let the past season make you believe that God cannot fulfill his promises. God is going to do it. God’s ways are not our ways. His thoughts are higher than ours! You know what you have asked God for, and no man can give it to you.  Your right to it is found in your ability to have faith to receive it! 

Then Elisha said, “Hear the word of the Lord. Thus says the Lord: Tomorrow about this time a measure of fine flour will sell for a shekel and two measures of barley for a shekel in the gate of Samaria!

There had been a famine in the land and no rain for three years.  The famine was so bad they were selling bird poop and eating their babies!  You may be thinking it can’t get any worse than this! Out of the blue the man of God releases the word of the Lord and this happens next!

 3 Now there were four men with leprosy at the entrance of the city gate. They said to each other, “Why stay here until we die? 4 If we say, ‘We’ll go into the city’—the famine is there, and we will die. And if we stay here, we will die. So, let’s go over to the camp of the Arameans and surrender. If they spare us, we live; if they kill us, then we die.”

Notice Elijah didn’t prophesy to the lepers.  You may be saying, I haven’t received a prophetic word to confirm this season. They didn’t get the prophetic word either. He said this was going to specifically happen tomorrow---the next day. What if the lepers decided that they were going to stay where they were longer with no sense of discerning of the time and season? They said, if they stayed where they were that they were going to die.  Do you know that you must decide to move forward? It’s not even an issue of going backward anymore, you can’t stay where you are anymore!!!

Your season of drought and famine is OVER!!! You may not know how or who God is going to use, but it is going to happen if you move forward.

 Do you not know that although you may be the least to think you could affect a city, a nation or your own family, your ability to discern the time and your season to OBEY is critical. 

It is critical for everyone around you to receive the fulfillment of their prophetic word and for your own deliverance and prosperity for you to obey!

The obedience of the four lepers was completely hinged on the prophetic word coming to pass and they never got the prophetic word. They just recognized in their own personal lives, they needed to move forward.

Some of you have decided to camp out longer because of the fear of the unknown. They had no idea that God had angels that were with them, and that the enemy would hear them as a mighty army. You are not alone. God has sent his angels on assignment to help you accomplish this assignment. It’s time to receive the spoils that God has promised you, about this time tomorrow. God is holding our prophetic tomorrow in his hand.

The still small voice

We live in a time where we need to know and hear the voice of God.  However, some don’t believe he is still talking.  I wouldn’t serve a God that couldn’t hear and respond back to me.  Maybe you fall into the category of those that do believe he is still talking but you have trouble deciphering his voice. 

In life we find ourselves in many different situations, each day, needing the mind and counsel of God but we look for him to answer sometimes, the way he did in the past.  Maybe when we are going through the hard, trying times, we feel like we can clearly hear God stirring us another way.  But we need to learn to hear him outside of the the winds, the earthquakes and the fires. In trouble sometimes we can hear God so clearly but not in God’s whisper.  

Don’t miss his voice because you are looking for him in the drama. Can you hear him when it’s quite?  Do we allow the situation to dictate how we hear him?  In this season, consider that perhaps, he may want to speak to you a different way.  The father has allowed so many of the things that we were previously accustomed too, to be brought to an abrupt halt due to Covid and other economic hardships, as if the world has been silenced.  

 In the Prophet Elijah’s day, he taught Elijah a lesson and we can learn from it as well. 

This is what happened.

1 Kings 19:11-13King James Version (KJV)

11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:

12 And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

I remember several years ago, I asked the Lord to teach me to hear him more clearly in the details of my life. There would be times, I would hear this still small voice that sounded much like my own. For example, I was taking off the safety pins from the skirt that I was going to wear that was attached to the coat hanger from the cleaners. The still small voice said, “Take one of the safety pins with you today because someone is going to ask you for one”.  The Lord later on let me know he was teaching me to trust his voice in everyday life.

Now, I could have argued with my rational as to why and ruled out that it wasn’t going to happen but instead I put one in my purse.  It was some hours into my day and one of my employees came in my office and out of the blue asked me did I have a safety pin.  I was thrilled to give it to her without explanation.  It is the still small voice of the Lord that guides us beyond our own understanding that often we discredit and never learn to follow.  It’s not “something told me to do that as we so often say.  It is the still small voice of the Lord that is trying to let you know he is with you. 

If you learn to listen in the small things than you will be able to trust him when he tells you about the big things in your life.  I want to challenge and encourage you as you are prompted by the Lord to begin to listen for his voice not so much how you may have heard him in the past but the still small voice so that you will know that he is concerned about the details of your life. 

Stay here

Elijah said to Elisha, “Stay here; the Lord has sent me to Bethel.”

But Elisha said, “As surely as the Lord lives and as you live, I will not leave you.

What in your life is trying to tell you to stay here? If you stay here where you are, you are not going to get what God has for you. You must be convinced in this hour that no matter what is dictating to you even if it is a familiar voice that sustained you in the last season, you must continue your pursuit in God!  

 Elisha’s own leader told him to stay behind but he refused to listen to him.

 The company of the prophets at Bethel came out to Elisha and asked, “Do you know that the Lord is going to take your master from you today?”

“Yes, I know,” Elisha replied, “so be quiet.”

You will have to be persuaded that whatever God has shown you inspite of the people, places or things that are dictating and trying to silence you, you will have to silence their voices.

Your friends may be questioning your ability to perceive God at this point.  Elisha in times past was aware of the times and seasons of his time.  His friends now are questioning his ability to hear God and whether he is actually aware that his leader is about to be taken away.  They are wondering why he is following and pursuing Elijah so closely when even Elijah told him to stay here.

When God has given you a desire like Elisha you will need to know it is from God.  You will need to be able to do something to receive it.  You will need to be close enough to it to receive it.

 Then Elijah said to him, “Stay here, Elisha; the Lord has sent me to Jericho.”

Once again, his leader has challenged him to stay here.  What in your life is challenging you to stay where you are? You may have received an email. You may have gotten an unfavorable diagnosis, your mate may have even filed for the divorce.

Is it your inability to see past your debt and you have stopped your pursuit to purchase that house?  Is it in believing God for the salvation and deliverance of your spouse because they have moved out and are with their new boo? Now your emotions are telling you, its too late. Don’t stay here. Keep going.

5 The company of the prophets at Jericho went up to Elisha and asked him, “Do you know that the Lord is going to take your master from you today?”

“Yes, I know,” he replied, “so be quiet.”

You must silence everything in your life that is speaking contrary to what you desire.

Elisha again continues his pursuit, but he responds once again the same way…. He tells them to be quiet. We must silence our fears when God has made us a promise.

And he replied, “As surely as the Lord lives and as you live, I will not leave you.” So, the two of them walked on.

Just like Elisha was persistent, we must be to receive what God has for us in this season.  You need to be persistent in pursuing God for his promises.  

When they had crossed, Elijah said to Elisha, “Tell me, what can I do for you before I am taken from you?”

If you keep going, you are going to get the desire of your heart.

“Let me inherit a double portion of your spirit,” Elisha replied.

10 “You have asked a difficult thing,” Elijah said, “yet if you see me when I am taken from you, it will be yours—otherwise, it will not.”

 Even if it is a difficult thing you have asked God for like Elisha did; it is not impossible IF you can believe and see it, you will receive it!

Offenses will come

What do you do when the truth and a lie are confronted like two football players that collide?  Years ago, I had the pleasure of watching the movie, Concussion.  I absolutely loved this movie for several reasons.  I respect the passion and connection that Dr. Bennett Omalu demonstrated as he would ask his “dead” patients what happened to them.  There they laid on that table, with no longer the ability to have a voice; and yet their bodies held within them the story of their lives.  He became their voice.  Have you been called to be a voice for others?

There was another compelling moment in the movie I connected with him.  It was the integrity and honor he held for them to be willing to place his career on the line and his own finances, nevertheless, he was offended.  Jesus told us in this world, offenses will come.

 How do you handle these types of offenses?  He remained faithful to his cause despite the opposition.   God wants you to remain faithful to the truth and message he has given you regardless of the opposition and the offenses that you are facing.  Regardless of the fact, that my father’s side of the family are Islamic, I still share my Christian beliefs.  Keep sharing your story.  Keep sharing the word of the Lord even as I pray that God will deliver and save them although it is viewed to them as I am being offensive. 

However, evidence that Dr. Omalu discovered caused the truth revealed to cost him a great price. Has your purpose and calling lead you to a place of great price?  Have you ever stood up for what is right, and you had to suffer for it? I have and I was able to relate to Dr. Bennett Omalu in this movie. 

Dr. Bennett Omalu made a difference although millions of people are still diehard fans for the game of football. Even if people still decide to play football, at least the truth was told.  Even if millions of people still choose to follow the teachings of the Nation of Islam; I will speak my truth from the word of God. 

Even if you are rejected for the work that you are doing, do it for the glory of God.

Even when you feel like you are not honored for your sacrifices, do it for the glory of God.

His work has provided a greater awareness of the painful truth associated with head injuries to football players that otherwise would have never been proven.  I pray that the revelation of Christ will be revealed, and more people will be made aware of the error that has been embedded in the minds and hearts of those that have believed them for generations that follow the Nation of Islam and other false religions.  God wants you to know he so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that you would not be lost. Jesus is Lord!

Push

Sometimes in life we all need a good PUSH!  As a child begins to learn how to ride a bicycle without their training wheels, we can all learn some valuable lessons in our personal and spiritual development.

  Sometimes we want to rush things and we are not yet able to navigate the winds of life that come to sway us away from our path.

 Sometimes we think we are strong enough to balance our own weights and want to ride independently.

And sometimes there are those of us that just need a PUSH…………

No matter where you find yourself in your career, your ministry, your education, or even your relationship with God; we will all find at times we need a push. Even after a woman has carried a baby nine complete months, she can not deliver that baby without a PUSH. Whatever God has even placed in your spiritual womb will require your ability to PUSH. You will have to push pass your own disbelief because maybe it is taking longer than you expected. It’s a journey that without the loving guidance of our heavenly father, we would all end up on the side of the road.  I can remember when I graduated from high school, I was under the silly notion that I didn’t need to go back to school because Jesus was coming soon.  I had been out of school a year and wasn’t doing anything to develop myself personally.  It wasn’t until a friend said you need to go to college and I registered the next day.  All it took was just a PUSH.   

However, when it was time for me to go back to school to get my Master’s degree, it took many, many years of consistent pushes from many different people.  I just didn’t get it over night that it was time for me to go to the next level of my education. I had a good paying job but this next degree would place me on a new path at my job.  It was time for me to let go of what was familiar and safe.

 I thought I was strong enough and ready for my next level of promotion but I had a lot of development and training that I needed to get there.  Sometimes, it’s not about getting another degree.  It’s about being seated at the table with the right people at the right time that God has called you to reach so that you will have the authority and access you need to have a voice. 

Maybe you lost your job and you have wanted to develop your own business/organization or step out in full time ministry for years but didn’t have the time.  Now you have more than enough time and with the help and strength of your heavenly father you now have the PUSH you need. God is going to open that door and surround you will the people you need that are going to PUSH you into your NEXT!

Audacity to Hope

   We were born for the times that we were needed the most.  When God sent us in the earth, he sent us as an answer. What have you been called to die for? King David asked, Is there not a cause?  What makes you weep? What takes your breath away? What would you do every day without being paid if you could afford it? God made Abram and Sarai a promise of having a son.  All they asked for was a son but Gods plan from their ability to believe him for a son would affect every generation that ever lived after them. 

What desire has God given you, but you don’t even understand how much bigger Gods plan is attached to that dream?  Nevertheless, to have that child, he would have to have the audacity to hope against hope.  He was 99 years old, and Sari was 90 years old.  Their bodies naturally were dead.  Their strength and even their desire was truly challenged after so many years of hoping and not receiving the promise. I’m going to be perfectly honest; I would have told God never mind.  You took too long and I don’t want a child anymore at that age.

What are you believing God for, and you feel like it is taking too long? Don’t be like Abram and Sarai and try and make it happen without God.

Then God comes and tells him he is going to give him this promise son, Isaac. The word declares God is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  When he gives us a promise it’s for our generations not just us, but it will take the audacity to hope against hope.

There will be times, it will look dead.

There will be times, it will feel dead.

There will be times others will mock you for even daring to believe God.

There will be times we even hinder our own promise until we become the man or woman God made the promise too. God gave them the promise as Abram and Sarai but it would take them all those years to receive it until they became Abraham and Sarah.

Most people believe they were waiting on God.  God was waiting on them to BECOME.  It will take you allowing God to make you the person he gave the promise too! Believe God for your expected end and have the audacity to hope in the face of adversity.

126 When the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream. God is challenging us in this season to allow him during our own captivity to allow him to cause us to dream again.

Meet Ruth

Who is Ruth?

Please indulge me, as I take a few minutes to share about someone very near and dear to me. My sister, Ruth Muhammad.

If you have wanted a baby girl, Ruth was born that beautiful brown eyed, curly head, healthy baby girl. She was a dream of every mother at birth. Ruth was a big sister, a loving daughter, a kindhearted friend and a mother that loved her children in spite of her flaws, insecurities and troubles.

One of the things I admired most about my sister was her artistic abilities. She was so talented. We all ran to her as children to draw all of our art projects. Ruth was my first teacher in some places in my childhood.

I did not learn how to tie my shoe from her or my ABC's, but I learned how to choose my friends. I learned that doing drugs was not the answer to my problems. I learned the importance of finishing school. I learned that the streets would never be my friend. I learned to never trust in my natural beauty. I learned to value people every day because you never know when a loved one will be gone.

Some of our last moments were the most special to me. Ruth came to visit me and on this particular day, I was doing my homework and she bent down and kissed my hands, and told me how proud she was of me for finishing school. She was killed the semester before I graduated from college.

Another moment, I had before her passing, I saw her on the street on a cold night. I was going to the store. There I was 24 years old, she was 28, and the only thing she asked of me, was to hold my hand as we walked through the store. I did it without hesitation.

The last day, she came to visit before she was violently taken was 3 days before she was murdered. I had gotten a sore throat. She was sitting in the hallway on the stairs outside my apartment door. I asked her what made her come and I kept saying, I am not normally home at this time. I left school early that day.

She told me Jeremy, my three, soon to be four year old, had asked her for a Barney tape for his birthday. She insisted that she had to get him the money. She handed me a wad of change, running in and out the door several times to gather more, until it totaled $10 dollars. She was crying so hard. I asked her what was wrong. I'll never forget her last words to me, I'm tired now. I am tired of the streets and she knelt in the floor and just wept. She had a heaviness on her, I will never forget.

She let me know before she left that she was concerned about her children. Jeremy often asked for them, which would cause her to cry harder. See, Ruth had gotten on drugs as a very young teenager. This door was the slow demise of her life that was a constant struggle that lead to many other paths of destruction.

Ruth died a death that was every mother's nightmare. Ruth struggled with a lack of support. I believe proper support would have helped her end to be different. It is through these support systems that I am hoping to help other young single moms to overcome. I pray that through Ruth's Vineyard, my sister will find a place of honor on this side of heaven, through every woman that receives what she needed the most. Support.

What's in your cup?

Sometimes we become thirsty but the drink that we end up getting from God is not the drink we thought we would get. What’s in your cup?  Only God knows. God has prepared a drink for you with a cup prepared especially just for you.  That cup that has been prepared for you has everything to do with what you will suffer for in this life for Christ to rule and reign in his kingdom both now and in eternity.

One of the most fascinating stories in the bible illustrates this story from a request for both her two sons. 

Think about this for a moment.  Her two sons weren’t even chosen disciples.    However, Jesus didn’t rebuke her for asking but instead allows her question and his answers to be put in the bible so we can learn several things.

Lets read the scriptures first from Matthew 20: 20-23

20Then the mother of Zebedee’s sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him.

21“What is it you want?” he asked.

She said, “Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.”

22“You don’t know what you are asking,” Jesus said to them. “Can you drink THE cup I am going to drink?”

“We can,” they answered.

23Jesus said to them, “You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father.”

1.    Jesus lets them know that they don’t understand the magnitude of their request. Sometimes we ask God for things but don’t really understand what it will cost us to get it.

2.    Jesus wants us all to know that our cup of suffering now has everything to do with our eternal positioning in the kingdom of God.

3.    Jesus ask her could they drink THE cup but then goes on to let them know  that they would indeed drink FROM that cup.

4.    And lastly, he lets them know that our heavenly father has the final say in the positioning in the kingdom of heaven.

God wants us to settle in our hearts that we will suffer to reign with him in this earth and in eternity, if we are willing to drink from that same cup.  Just like Christ asked in the garden of Gethsemane for that cup to pass from him, he totally understands the pain and suffering of the trials and tribulation, peril and persecution knowing that he drank THE entire cup.  We need to resolve in our hearts that because he overcame all these things that we too can overcome as well.  We cant reign if we aren’t willing to suffer for Christ. We must drink the whole cup that he has prepared for each of us.

The Fingerprints of God

Before we were created and knit in our mother’s womb, the bible says God knew us (Jeremiah 1:5).  Every hair on our head is numbered. This doesn’t mean he just knows how many we have, God knows exactly what strand of hair is lost and every detail is recorded.  One of the greatest ways God has built my self-esteem is by how he has nurtured, forgave and  loved me.  The bible says freely we have received and freely we should give.  This doesn’t just mean money. 

As a young girl by the time I was 12, I didn’t feel special at all.  I was born on the 13th of June, and my “golden birthday” was fast approaching.  I made the grave mistake that so many do; I began to compare myself with others to even lessen my value and self-esteem.  To me I was just another long haired, light skinned, brown eyed girl just like all the rest.  At this point in my life, I remember asking myself one day,  if my mother who had four children couldn’t love me, how could God and he had so many children in the world?

Perhaps you have asked yourself a similar question, that has questioned your value, your uniqueness and what makes you-you?  God said we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). 

Every fingerprint is different. 

What was on the mind of God when he created you? The father wants us to know that he knows our thoughts a far off (Psalm 139:2).  His thoughts towards us are more than the sand on the sea (Psalm 139:17-18).  What passions of Christ did the creator breathe inside of you when you became a living soul?  When God began to reveal himself to me at 17, the first thing he did was continuously went out his way. He consistently let me know how special I was too him and how much he knew, loved and thought of me.  I would get continuos prophetic ministry which began to unlock my heart and God began to affirm, confirm and reveal his plans for my life.

One of the ten commandments is we shall not place any graven image on God, (Exodus 20:4). The father was coming after those graven images. Unknowingly as a child, I now viewed God through the lens of how I had been handled and this distorted my interactions with my ability to receive God’s love for me.   Who has mishandled you and caused you to question your value? As children and sometimes as adults, we often without even knowing, begin to ascribe  attributes of others on God because of the way we have been handled.

Whose fingerprints have been left on you?

 Sometimes we can’t hear the cry of our own children and our spouses because the child is us is still screaming.  God desires to heal you from these graven images from your childhood and adulthood. He wants to remove the fingerprints from others so he can leave his fingerprints on you. 

Guarding God's Perspective

Let’s exam another man’s life that understood the guarding God’s perspective during adversity.  Let’s peek into the life of Joseph. When he shared his dream with his brothers, they hated him even more (Genesis 37:8 )“They asked these questions when they heard his dream: “Are you indeed to reign over us? Or are you indeed to rule over us?” So, they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words.” Not even his father understood Joseph’s dream and he rebuked him for it.  There will be times in your life that when God reveals his dream to you for you that there will be those around you that will not understand.

Joseph’s dream set him apart from his family. Your dream will set you apart.  You must understand to fulfill that dream, you will have to learn to guard God’s perspective prophetically to see it come to pass.

Shortly after he shared his dreams, Joseph’s whole life was never the same.  His brothers not only sold him into slavery, but they were also going to kill him.  He went from being his father’s favorite son to a slave. Joseph was forsaken by his family, betrayed by his master’s wife, and forgotten by the chief butler while in prison. 

He was suffering. Life didn’t seem fair. It even felt like God himself had forsaken, betrayed, and forgotten him. 

The bible doesn’t tell us the nights Joseph wept before the Lord. 

It doesn’t tell us how many nights he asked to see his father face one more time.

It doesn’t tell us how many times he wished he could have given up and died.

 But I’m convinced because God gave him a dream; it kept him alive. If you are experiencing things in your life and you have not done anything to deserve the suffering, maybe you are asking God, why you?  God is asking you, why not you.  We are not greater than our Lord.  It pleased the father to bruise Jesus. Do we not think we will not be bruised as well?

 How many of us would have never done anything for them after what they did? For him to fulfill his dream, he had to guard his “why”.  I’m convinced that God didn’t bring Joseph out until he could look down and see that he learned to see it from his perspective. This was Joseph’s response after revealing himself to his brothers: “Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life. Genesis 45

7 And God sent me before you to preserve your posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance.

8 So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God: and he hath made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of his entire house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.

What happened to you and what is God’s perspective in your adversity?

God will make the difference

How many of us have gifts, talents, and ideas everyday?  Yet, we never pursue them because we underestimate our own value and significance. I’m reminded of a story in the bible when the people in the bible that had followed Jesus listening to him preach became hungry.  Are you hungry? Are there people around you hungry?  Maybe not for natural food but for what God has placed on the inside of you. 

In John 6: 1-4 it reads 8 Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, 9 “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” Listen to what the disciple asked. In other words, how is that enough to feed the crowds. That is not enough.  How do you perceive what God has given you?

God made up the difference when Jesus offered it up, broke it, blessed and gave it.  God wants you to offer yourself and what he has given you up to him.  He has taken you through a process and when he is finished, he is going to give you to feed the multitudes.  You must not allow your own opinion of yourself to limit what God wants to do through your life. Get ready to be given to the multitudes!

You Matter

“You Matter” were the two words that resonated from the mouth of Iyanla Vanzant on her spotlight moment on Oprah’s SuperSoul.TV show.  Her message at times was silently told through the painful childhood scars that were left on her that now are boldly declared that were never hers but her grandmothers.  Her first message told was defined by lines that were drawn on a farmland that her grandmother was never supposed to cross.

 Unfortunately, at nine, her grandmother crossed them and was raped by the sharecropper’s son.  Her father then beat her and was more worried about him losing his job than her rape.  What was the message that was communicated to her grandmother that day that was passed down to her?

It was that she didn’t matter.    

My message is the same as Iyanla’s, “you matter,” Don’t take on other people’s scars and wounds.  I too, had to learn this lesson.  I had to face the same questions; I’m asking you.  What were the lines that were drawn in the sands for you from your generations?  What were you raped of and what has life beaten you for that you have carried and passed down to your generations?

“You Matter” is what you need to remember.  For you to heal, you must be able to identify the source of those pains so that they can be dealt with so healing can come.  My mother had four children and by the time I was nine years old, I believed that my mother didn’t love me because she never wanted four children.  I was that fourth child. But that wound was even deeper because I began to believe that if my mother that had four children couldn’t love me, how could God because He had so many children in the world. This was the question of my heart as a child.

 I didn’t feel like I mattered to my mother and that was the root of rejection that would define the lines in the sand of my life.  The enemy never thought I would get pass those lines. Make up in your mind that you will allow God to help you cross those lines in the sands of life and help someone else over to the other side by reminding them they matter, “you matter.”

One way

I was driving full speed ahead in the wrong direction up a ONE WAY!  Distracted and laughing on my cell phone and I had missed my chance to enter the ramp and I turned back around and decided I would take a short cut.  I still was not paying attention.  There I was in my truck with my mother and I was heading up a ONE WAY that was an exit ramp to come down on the 79th sky way, several years ago. I had almost made it to the top before realizing I was going the wrong way.  God gave me the time I needed to back up, do a U-turn and safely get back in the flow of traffic.

 It should have been obvious to me-right?  Have you ever realized in life you were really headed the wrong direction; yet you were convinced you were right?  However, not realizing this decision was so bad that it would affect everyone involved.   Have you ever gotten involved in an adulterous affair, and believed the lie that he/she was separated so you had a right to them? 

No matter what lie you have believed God loves you enough to protect you even when you are vulnerable and living in deception going the wrong way.  He will give you hope and set you free from deception, lies and belief systems you have built your life on.  If you seek him and earnestly ask him to reveal the truth to you, in Jesus name, he will.  The bible says there is a way that seems right unto a man but the end thereof is death.  Or perhaps you have grown up to believe that there is more than one way to get to God? Or that Allah is God.  You have been deceived because Jesus is the one way to God. 

I want to encourage you if you have loved ones that are going the wrong way.  Just like God sent the angels to protect me that day from being killed and killing others because I was driving the wrong way, he is able to deliver your loved ones.  I often think about who called off of work that day.  Who decided to take a different route that afternoon?  Who forgot their keys and had to go back home? What did God have to do with the angels to intervene to make sure that no car came down that ramp that day to save me and my mother. God wants you to know that even if you are going the wrong way, all is not lost. Repent and be reconciled back to God today and he will save you.  

The ledge of faith

Sometimes in life it will feel as though you are standing on a ledge and the task before you is impossible.   God is calling us to be like Nehemiah that stepped out on the ledge of faith and rebuilt the walls.  There are those of us that are called to guard and to build.  We must seek God for direction so we can begin to discover our passions.  What makes you cry? What is it that bothers you that the enemy has tried to tell you, you are too insignificant to make a difference?

The walls of Jerusalem had been broken down and the gates had been burned for years.   Nehemiah was grieved so much so he fasted and prayed and wept because of all the ruin in the nation.  To some he was nothing more than a cupbearer.  But he was a cupbearer with a burden from God that had been strategically positioned to serve the King and Queen.  Don’t look at your situation or job as menial.  You are positioned for a divine purpose and it’s not just so you can serve someone else. It’s so you can change a situation. Its so you change history.

Nehemiah stepped out on the ledge of faith and he beseeched God first by repenting for the sins of Israel and how they had not kept the commandments of Moses and how God told them he would scatter them if they did not obey him.  However, he made intercession and reminded God that if they would return and keep his commandments that he promised to gather them and bring them to the place that God had chosen.  Nehemiah reminded God of his word and that they were his people.

God wants you to remind him of his promises he has made you and your family in this season.  If you will stand in the gap and partner with God and begin to build spiritually the things that have been destroyed in your family for years, God will begin to restore the waste places and the breaches. 

Nehemiah was granted favor and given all the materials he needed and had the support of the families and his followers. God will send you the divine help and support you need as you begin to bring him the ashes.   He rebuilt the walls and the gates with support within fifty two days.  This was Gods appointed time and what had been destroyed for years God restored in days! 

God wants you to know what you think has been lost forever in your bloodline, he wants to restore it again.

All is not lost!

 You must get past the voices in your own head and the voices of the enemy like Nehemiah did.  When the enemies heard what he was doing, they began to mock him and came up against them with great indignation and asked these questions among themselves: “What do these feeble Jews? Will they fortify themselves? Will they sacrifice? Will they make an end in a day? Will they revive the stones out of the heaps of the rubbish which are burned? They were offended by Nehemiah’s work.

 Don’t stop building what God said. Mute the noise. It is none of their business. Others will be offended when you arise to carry the burden the Lord has given you.  You will be challenged.  You will be mocked.  You will be threatened.  But you must remain focused, and you must finish.

No matter how impossible the task may seem, remember that if God did it then, then he can do it again.  In 2 Cor 4:18 it says While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. 

I can imagine the adversaries that think what I’m doing is foolishness. Perhaps saying how does she think she is going to convert any Muslim from Islam? How is she going to help lead people into their promise land and turn their hearts back to the true and living God?    Perhaps the enemy is taunting you and saying , how do you think you can ever recover from this bankruptcy, or ever rebuild your business or marriage and be restored? How can you help others heal in their marriage when yours didn’t survive?

God was with Nehemiah and the people that supported his cause and God is with you and your family.  He is going to deliver his people and restore the walls and gates that have been torn down from generations and left in ruins.  He is going to give us beauty for our ashes and cause us to do what the enemy said could never be done. He is going to do it quicker than we thought he would. Keep building and warring with the promises of God.  The walls and gates are being restored generationally.  God is not done with you yet.

Against all odds

My childhood dream was to be a jockey!  I had the height, the weight but even more than those, I had the heart!  It took guts and grit to be Sonny Leon riding on May 7, 2022 as he mounted Rich Strike.  He wasn’t even supposed to be in the race.  No one saw him coming. Even his owners didn’t get the call until minutes before another horse scratched.  He was prepared.  He showed up without a spot against all odds.  He was positioned and trained and getting ready to run his race!

God has saved you a spot.  No one is going to even see you coming.  I like to see myself has this beautiful horse that won the Kentucky Derby last year.  He had incredible odds against him. The odds were 250-1 according to the Fox sports Australia. He was a longshot.  He had 30 seconds to register before the deadline. As Strike Rich headed out the stall, he was sitting 17th with 40 seconds left in the race.

I believe God is getting ready to release not just me, but others like me. Your training wasn’t in vain.  Esther, your season of beautification is coming to an end.  Your King is about to be crowned.  You are his crown.  Don’t give up.  You’re going to get your shot. What God has for you no one else can take your place.  Your blessings have been on reserve. Get ready to run!!! All things are ready now.

Proverbs 12:4 – A virtuous wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.

Dear June

It was on August 31, 2017 I heard you crying but you and I know this wasn’t our first encounter.  I could hear you loud and clear in my spirit.  Your cry was, Remember me.  I was on my way to drive and train a provider on some software he was struggling to document.  I headed out with my worship music on.  I wasn’t heavy about anything. 

Your cry to me was disturbing because I began to immediately weep.  How could I ever forget you?  See just like God said Abel’s blood was crying out from the ground in Gen 4:10. So was yours.

The Lord knew this.  I finished my book in September 2016 but did not release it until June 2020 on my birthday. My letter that prefaces my book under special thanks to you, reads as such!

To my unborn baby, you are not in the pictures with the other four everyone can see: you live in heaven’s nursery.  But you are forever carried in my heart and counted. I can’t wait to hold you and raise you in heaven! One of my greatest restoration gifts will be to raise you in heaven with your father.  Your childhood will be perfect! I recently learned that God doesn’t even take away the privilege of us naming you, if we both make it to heaven.  I found out that we are encouraged to name you, even if we don’t know your gender.  Together, we finally named you in December 2015. I would like to thank you for forgiving me, your father, and all those who were involved, the doctor, the nurse, and your grandmother. I love you more than words can ever express.  I found Jesus in my brokenness because I lost you.  Your blood still has a voice in my life that cries for restoration, forgiveness, mercy, and grace.  I love you.

See, what others don’t know was I never knew your grandmother’s name until that December 2015.  Your dad would often get extremely quite as he grieved her every December.  I had been asking him for almost seven years to name you.  See, I believe you are a girl.  I asked him what his mother’s name was.  He said, June.  I asked June what? He said June Estelle.  I immediately asked him, could we name you after his mother.  He was just as delighted but neither of us could believe it took that long to do it.  I then went on to ask when was her birthday.  I did know it was in June but wasn’t sure of the exact date.  See, your due date was June 19 and her birthday was June 21.  Never would I have imagined God would have given me another daughter.  I had long given up on having another child.  I wasn’t even married.

I was almost 45 years old, and your dad was much older. I had no idea he was slowly dying.  He didn’t share it with me.  We weren’t in a relationship anymore, but I didn’t want to add to my body count.  All hell had broken out in my home with your brothers, and I didn’t even want to go home anymore.  I couldn’t believe I was pregnant in July 2016.  It was just 7 months after naming you.  I took a blood test at 12 weeks pregnant with your sister.  They wanted to make sure she wasn’t deformed.  I found out she was a girl. 

Nobody, and I mean nobody, could have told me I would have another chance at having a daughter.  Your sister was barely hanging on.  I wasn’t regularly engaging sexually so I wasn’t on birth control. I actually took a Plan B pill afterwards. I cried out to God and repented after I found out I was actually pregnant. My gynecologist insisted I should abort.  I knew I would never abort again.  It broke me when I aborted you.  All the years I labored and travailed for Ruth’s vineyard to be birthed to save other babies from abortion.  She sent me three weeks in a row to test my HCG numbers.  They were significantly low.  She told me the baby would not be normal.   I went one last time to get a blood test and my numbers shot up to the normal count. 

I was having a baby.  He didn’t want any more children.  Your dad completely shut down on me for the third time now.  How could I find myself in this same place again, I asked myself.

It took him until I was 7 months pregnant before God turned his heart.  God knows if we hadn’t named you after your grandmother just 7 months prior than that would have been your sisters name.  This is one more reason why I believe with all my heart, you were my first girl.  God gave me a second chance.  He told me that Laialh was my second chance. It took me having a girl to raise back up in my spirit.  I wanted something different for the women in my bloodline.  I never again allowed myself to be dishonored myself with him after your sister was born. He was thinking about turning back.  He kept saying he didn’t believe she would remember him.  I cried out to God and asked him to please tell him that I was going on with or without him.

 The next day he came and asked me to sit down and he said I had a dream.  I said ok. He said in the dream, you let me know that you and I were done.  I said, I have been telling you that and I asked God to tell you.  He said, God also showed me that your heart was open to with be the one God would send you.  See, I never went back. Although he came almost every day to help me with her.  I don’t know why God let me hear you but perhaps the Lord wanted me to make sure I didn’t go back with him. So, when on August 31, 2017, I heard you weeping and crying to me, Remember me:  I was broken. 

See I had already read the books on Heaven that let me know that the aborted babies wait for their parents. You wanted your dad to make it home and I needed to make sure I wasn’t in the way. I wanted the same thing and your cry was the encounter that reassured me I had made the right decision. We spent our last day with him on 1/21/2019 including Jeremy.  And God remembered you and brought him home to you on September 15, 2019.  I dream about how your dad tells you all about me and how much you mean to me. God is going to avenge your blood and I am going to be working on Ruth’s Vineyard soon.  I love you so much. You are never forgotten in my life.

until the day we meet in heaven and I get to raise you,

Forever your mommy

Get Back up!

We all loved Muhammad-Ali for so many different reasons as we remember and celebrate his legacy this month of his passing on June 3, 2016. He was famous for being able to not only win his matches but to what some would call to prophetically declare what round he would knock his opponents out. One of the most famous fights he is known for this was the fight between him and Sonny Liston.

He began taunting and provoking Liston almost immediately after the two agreed to fight. He purchased a bus and had it emblazoned with the words “Liston Must Go in Eight.” On the day of the contract signing, he drove it to Liston’s home in Denver, waking the champion (with the press in tow) at 3:00 a.m. shouting, “Come on out of there. I’m gonna whip you now.” Liston had just moved into a white neighborhood and was furious at the attention this caused. Clay took to driving his entourage in the bus to the site in Surfside, Florida where Liston (nicknamed the “Big Bear”) was training, and repeatedly called Liston the “big, ugly bear”. Liston grew increasingly irritated as the motor-mouthed Clay continued hurling insults (“After the fight, I’m gonna build myself a pretty home and use him as a bearskin rug. Liston even smells like a bear. I’m gonna give him to the local zoo after I whip him.”

What bold moves! Not only did Muhammad-Ali say it but he did it.  Just like our enemy, Satan, he has watched you, saw your past victories and past mistakes;  and taunts you like Muhammad-Ali did Sonny Liston and at times has knocked you out.  But God…wants you to get back up!  You are not defeated just because you got knocked down!  Get back up!  It doesn’t matter how many lies he taunts you with.  You are not worthy.  You will never be forgiven.  You messed up too many times.  It’s too late.

Muhammad-Ali called him the big ugly bear. The enemy wants to make you believe you are not what God has called you.   He wants to distort your image of yourself and make you begin to believe those lies so that he can defeat you first mentally.  Muhammad-Ali knew that if he could get in his opponents’ head, he had already won the fight.   Repent and turn away from your sins and get back up!  You are beautiful.  You are the redeemed of the Lord.  You belong to God.

So many in the body of Christ are allowing the enemy to knock them out of the fight because they don’t know how to get back up and recover from a fall.

The word says in Proverbs 24:16

16 For a righteous man falls seven times and rises again. God has a prophetic word for you today. Regardless, if you have been knocked down, it is not too late for you to redeem your title.  You win because he won! Get back up!  You are still the Champ because of his victory!

Romans 8:37King James Version (KJV)

37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.